Having a tough time with Long Distance Relationship of 2 years. Need advice.

[JayHammer]

Hello everyone, I'm 21 and so is my girlfriend, we have been dating * long distance-relationship * for more than 2 years now. My girlfriend have a lot of mental issue, she has always have it even since before we started dating, as she is diagnosed with depression and she have problem with socializing, and have problem with sleeping so she used a lot of sleeping pills/ antidepressants from doctor, etc.. Ever since i came into her life, I've helped and been a big part of her life as well as her in my life. We are working towards a future where we can live together, I've gotten myself a full time job so I'm working very hard for it. She has stopped using her medicines recently since we started meeting a lot because i was able to travel with her and pretty much been together for a good 2 months or more so being together helped a lot. Then now we have to be apart for a little while because of my school/ job. We recently hit a big bump as i have foolishly brought up something stupid from the past ( something happened after we broken up and before coming back together ) and for the first time she needed some time for herself, it was a new thing to me because to us, having time away from each others or a break is pretty much taboo, but i respected her decision and had to go with it, i then went on a rollercoaster of emotions during the days but eventually we talked again due to me being impatient. Ever since we talked again, we both noticed how she was mostly not herself because she seems to have those dark days like when we broke up, or before we met at all. She started wanting to be alone most of the time due to whenever we talk, we have conversations about what we think is missing, what we don't do anymore, what she don't say anymore, and how I'm being treated wrong.. sadly to say that but I didn't feel as loved and deserved as much as before but i understood and knew that it was because she is having difficulties right now. They seems to be small fights we having days to days to a point now we realized that it doesn't help her on getting better on herself, and on our relationship. So on last Sunday, we had a talk whether on what we should do, and i agreed on the fact that i want her to be selfish and heal herself first before we can focus on our relationship because she can't do well on both of them at the same time, but she has said that,.. it might takes weeks, or months or she doesn't know how long it would take to healed up, and we haven't talked since today.. We were supposed to meet in about 12 days, it was the only thing i know would help us since it has always been helping every time we are together, and also the one thing i work for, to see her and be with her, but she said we shouldn't do it since she is afraid when i'm here she won't be able to talk or touch me because she might feel uncomfortable with me, just like she is with everyone else now.. In my heart, i know she love me, and also because of that she hasn't given up, or else we would have broken up on last Sunday. But I find myself very afraid, worried because I don't know what to do, I try my hardest to place that trust in her, hoping for her to call me or message me.. Can you guys give me some advice? Thanks in advance.

[Becky]

You made a good decision by letting her heal herself first of the depression. However, you must always communicate with her because without communication in long distance relationship love disappears. Bear in mind that communication is what makes a long distance relationship work.

[JayHammer]

Hello Becky, thank you for your comment, it really helped putting me at ease knowing i have done one thing right. I really want to work on communication with her obviously but the problem is that... right now she want to be alone with her mind so she can work on getting healthier again and then we can focus on us later, at least thats what we agreed on, but i really don't know what will happen during the time we don't talk, i trust her, but i'm afraid too..

[Anthony]

Distance can be a huge issue that can destroy a relationship. Relationships like this can MOST DEFINITELY work, and it just takes commitment from both partners to make it work. If both partners really want to make their relationship work, distance is an obstacle that they can easily overcome together.

There are many factors that force a relationship into a long distance one. Job commitment, school, or obligations to the military. Those in the military make huge commitments. I know someone whose husband served overseas for 4 years. 4 years away from his family in service to his country.

This is absolutely true and so many people are going through it. The only way to make relationships like this work is by effective communication and being spontaneous for your partner who is away. When you're thousands of miles apart from each other, its easy to feel separated from each other.

It takes trust, communication, and commitment to make a long distance relationship work. You have to trust your partner to be faithful, you have to have a strong line of communication, and you have to be committed in this type of relationship.

With all the technology today, you can pick up a cell phone and have a video chat with someone who is country away. Social media sites like Facebook, Twitter and MySpace have been used for years as a way for people to stay in touch with each other no matter the distance.

These sites are perfect for people in long distance relationships. Hundreds of marines keep a Facebook profile to stay in touch with their families. In a long distance relationship the two of you should talk to each other at least 3 times a week.

Letting each other know what's going on in your lives. The sweetest thing to do if you want to know how to make long distance relationships work is to write letters, send gifts, family pictures and videos (or private) to your partner overseas or wherever they are, to make sure they feel in touch with you. Do everything you can to stay connected with your partner and let them know that you care about whats happening in their lives.

[JayHammer]

Thank you for your comment and advice Anthony, we communicate a lot, everyday almost every hour or so, the problem is right now we don't have that going as i have mentioned in my post, i am unsure of how long i should wait before she message first or should i message first, things are tough when you don't know anything..

[Nora]

Now that your partner is miles away from you, stop worrying and start living. Just consider this as an opportunity to get closer with each other by making the most of where you live. Appreciate your place, hang out with your neighbors and share to him/her your valuable experience. Your independence doesn't mean you can live without each other. It's just one way of making yourself and your relationship stronger.

Be creative.

Your distance gives you a chance to think about your partner as a person - what he likes, what he needs and what he wishes. If he/she is the romantic type, why don't you make personalized cards or poems? If he/she is into art, visit a museum and share what kind of art you liked. If he/she collects postcards from different places, send one every week.

Be faithful.

To make long distance relationship work, you must live the value of loyalty. When you're away from each other, the baits come in different forms and the temptation to wander away is very strong. Don't let this ruin your relationship and ruin yourself. If you entertain distractions, you'll carry this guilt for the rest of your life.

Get a fast Internet connection.

This will make things easier for you. Ease your nostalgia by buying a camera and a headset so you can talk like you're beside each other. Upload your recent photos through a social networking site or an online album and share it to him/her. Tell your partner how much you wanted to share that moment with him/her.

Let music intrude.

Music was invented to help a person express what he/she feels. So send your partner an MP3 file of the song you're currently listening to let him/her grasp how you're feeling that day. If you don't have that file, a music video link can be an option. If you have limited access to Internet, burn the songs in a CD and send it to him/her through mail.

Schedule your next meeting.

It always feels good to look forward to something - the next date, the next hug, the next kiss. If you can meet regularly, do it. If you can take turns in traveling, that would be a better set-up. In some cases, it will take months or years to wait. If you're about to give up, just remember that everything shall pass, including the agony of not seeing your partner for a long time.

The answer to the question, "How do you make long distance relationship work?" can be summarized in one effective cliché: you are under the same sky. Cheesy as it may sound, that line will make you realize it's not proximity that matters. What's more important is how you love and how you make your partner feel loved.

[JayHammer]

Thank you Nora for encouragement and advice! I have done all of them and i am working on improving myself with creative and scheduling next meeting. I know long distance relationship works, i believe in it and i will do anything in my power to make mine work, i'm just confused with how long i should wait before i know she will text me or call me back, or what if she has changed her mind or anything going on i wouldn't know it.

[JayHammer]

I'm thinking about going to her place and surprise her, but i'm afraid it might shown as disrespect when she asked for time to heal, although i know myself every time we are together, it works and it works really good. What do you guys think i should do ?