Please Tell Me If I Am Being Delusional?

[Vivian]

I would love to ask for advice about my boyfriend.

I have been in a relationship (starting online) with him for 8 months. He lives in another country right now. He says he is separated, however, he still lives with his wife. He says until his youngest (14 ) is 18 and adult, he wont leave the family. He promises me he has no relations (sexual) with his wife. He says he sleeps on the couch or in a spare room. I'm not so sure.

Is this really possible and his kids 'dont know'? He says he is always up before them.

We see each other every 5 weeks. I fly to him or he to me. He intends to relocate to my country for a year at least in August. He was born where I live and wants to come home. He will be moving in with me. I am so excited.

I was married 30 years and my husband left me 5 times for another. I was devastated, and a 'basket-case' I couldn't take it any more. I left the family home and we divorced. Ange, I do not want to do to another family what was done to mine. To say I am naive?

Well I was, I had only really known one man. Now I am a bit more savvy vis a vis men and their weltanschauung. Sexually I have become very savvy as he has taught me stuff I could only dream about. Wow.

My children (28, 22 and 17) are very angry, disappointed and even disgusted that I am having this relationship.

My boyfriend tells me that only I know the truth about us, how he feels for me and I am in no way the reason for the breakdown of his marriage.

He even tried to talk to my son. I am in fact the third woman he has had relations with, since he 'left' his wife 3 years ago. And before he married he was a man of the world.

I have such very strong feelings for him. I know I have fallen in love with him: his personality, his mind, his body (especially) I do want to enjoy my life with him. We have an amazing time together, he tells me how much I mean to him, that he loves me, really loves me.

Am I being blinded by sweet nothings?

Its incredible that for an intelligent person I am so utterly bewildered by my lack of sense, foresight and even intuition.

Since entering the singles jungle I have realized what a new world we live in. I have met people who really are living in marriages that are over. But they are still there.

Please tell me if I am being delusional.

I have tried to gently probe this question and the reply is 'please wait, be patient.'

So I wait.....

[Bradwin]

There is a quote out there that says... "Love makes idiots of us all."

Now... are you an idiot?

I do not think so... I think you are a woman who spent a long time with a man who did not appreciate her... that you have had a simmering desire under the surface for a very long time... and that you finally met a man who understands how to really turn a woman on . . .

I also think you are in an awful situation here that could very easily blow up in your face.

A few things:

1... His children undoubtedly know... my own father was a bit of a womaniser himself... my brother and sister figured it out at an early age.

It also set an example for us that neither Chris my brother or I could shake until well after my father had passed away.

2... There is no fairy tale ending here... there is no version of this story where you and this man ride off happily into the sunset.

Does he love you... possibly?

And even if he does leave his family in 4 LONG years... that love may well have faded by then... and it is even more possible that he will get bored in a relationship with you and have his eye wander again.

Now... I am not saying this man is some horrible human being... yet he is also most likely not capable of giving you the committed relationship you seem to want.

Do you really want to spend 4 years pining for this man?

Especially when there are so many other available men out there in the world?

Are you not worth a lot more than this?

Have a think about the questions I have asked you Vivian.

[Vivian]

Bradwin, thank you so much for your advice.