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Seperated with child



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  • Seperated with child

    My ex and I have been separated for a year now and we have a 7yr old girl together. We have both been dragging our feet in getting a divorce. She moved out and got a house with another guy and I've stayed single. We've noticed a change in our daughter. Separation issues, anxiety and such have come about since the split. Shes currently in therapy to cope with her issues. I do notice that whenever all 3 of us are together, my daughter is back to her usual self.

    The ex uses me as a fallback plan when she's having issues with her bf. Last year she came back crying stating she wanted to make things work only to come back then move back out after 3 weeks and not even telling me she was leaving. There are some trust issues because I'm not sure when shes being honest or just using me because shes having issues of our own.

    Over the past year, I've been seeing someone. I really like this girl and am happy. It's an odd relationship, to say the least, but right now it works. We have our own houses, we only date each other and we both aren't in a rush to go to the next step. Eventually, I could see it becoming something permanent but as of right now, we are enjoying each others company. Now today, the Ex came over and wants to work things out again. Shes admitting her faults and wants to make another go of it. She has a lot of personal issues she needs to deal with i.e her bf, money, job...etc. This feels like Deja Vu all over again.

    This all leads to my dilemma. I'm torn on what to do. I want to do whats best for my daughter. If that's making another go at it with the ex, then so be it but I cant keep on being her fall back guy plus that's got to be confusing for our daughter. I also don't want to give up what I have with the woman I'm seeing. That would break her heart and she doesn't deserve that. Plus, it'll eat me up inside because I'll feel that I just wasted a lot of her time since we aren't getting any younger and she is looking for someone to settle down.

    Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!


    P.S. Sorry for the long rant and horrible description of my situation. My brain is going 100 miles a minute and it's all over the place.

  • #2
    I know exactly how it feels to be the fall back, I have been there before. Knowing that she came back before for reconciliation and left you again after 3 weeks, it will be wise you don't fully commit to her again. This is because the probability of her leaving again is high, so I will advice you don't breakup with the woman you are seeing currently. Moreover, she never broke up with her boyfriend to be with you, she is only back because things aren't going well with both of the. So, you shouldn't make any sacrifice for her because she isn't worth it.

    You can decide to fully commit to her when you have observed her for at least 6 months.


    • #3
      It's obvious that the only reason you are considering getting back together with her is because of your daughter. It's a good reason but you might remain unhappy in the relationship. If she left you before, she can leave you again.

      So my advice to you is to maintain the relationship you have with your present girlfriend, while you allow her back. However, don't be too moved by emotions to breakup with your present woman you are seeing.


      • #4
        It's wise to do what's good for your daughter but it's wiser to do what's good for yourselfc just focus on people who truly loves you and most importantly who you really loves.