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losing "the one"



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  • losing "the one"

    If you truly love someone and they are the love of your life... how do you let them go?

    How do you cope with a breakup when you're absolutely convinced that you shouldn't have broke up?

    "I remember you" - he said. "I've seen you before, you know... maybe six months ago, before we met".

    "Liar" - she laughed playfully.

    Millions of lifetimes have passed in millions of different realities. They have met, loved, and parted again, over and over.

    Pensive, he turned his head. "No, I definitely remember... it's your eyes. I've seen them in a dream".

    She didn't reply. Deep down, she believed him.

    Maybe in another life.

  • #2
    Nobody ever gets into any relationship anticipating a break-up. Break-ups just happen. It is not as if they happen to any specific type of person or there is anything wrong with the persons who break-up. It is not even a failure, but just an unexpected change in what was once a very loving and passionate relationship.

    In the civilized society that we have evolved into, we accept such things, and move on seeking other relationships instead of just dragging our feet in a dead relationship. But then, there is tremendous pain to cope with. In fact, nothing can be as painful mentally as a broken relationship.

    Physically nothing may seem wrong, but internally the immune system may take a beating. Therefore, it is necessary to understand how to cope with a break up. First thing is to accept that you are a human being, and be ready to cry. Men often hesitate and hurt internally when break up is imminent.

    If they'd just cry a bit, it would give them a lot of relief. Women, of course, have no hesitation in crying. Sharing grief with close family members and friends lightens the pain. Its better not to lean on shoulders of everybody as there might be a few who have not yet gone through such pain, and may not understand how you feel. Such people might think you are losing your sanity.

    So they are best avoided. At times though, the break is not yet final. Sometimes, separation for a while helps people think things through and understand where they were going wrong. By giving such space to each other, it is possible to review things without any clutter that normally comes with hurling accusations and diverts the attention from the main issue.

    Once this happens, it easier to resume the relationship. While it is good to hope for such an outcome during such a phase, it is also pragmatic to be open to other possibilities. A frequent outcome of being dumped is you not loving yourself enough. Many people start feeling guilty.

    But remember, almost everybody goes through it at sometime or the other. So do not get into that self-pity and self-denouncing mode, which only leads to depression, and loneliness. Start thinking what is good about you. Surround yourself with people who appreciate you for your abilities.

    Avoid sadness at all costs. Be positive about everything, and you will start feeling positive about yourself as well as life. You should now find time for some of the things that you liked but were not able to do when you were in the relationship. Even other things that you normally like doing must occupy most of your time.

    Learning new things, and finding new areas where you can excel is another way to overcome the sadness and loneliness that follows any break up. Similarly, turn to people who are unfortunate. Look at them, and realize how much you have, and how much they do not. Do not expect the healing process to be fast. It is not like any fever bout.

    It will take time. In fact, the healing process would have already started almost immediately after you mentally accepted that the relationship is not working, and that you've been dumped. Of course, the ultimate test of the extent of healing is when you meet your partner. If you feel no hurt or anger at that point, and yet do not feel the need to resume the relationship, then you have healed completely.


    • #3
      How do you cope with a break up?

      1. Forgive Your Former Lover

      One thing you can do to cope with a breakup is to choose to let go of the hurt you feel. This will set you free so that you can focus on your life, correct your mistakes, and make plans to invest your love in another person. On the other hand, holding on to the pain will put you in a "prison" in which you will be in bondage to your bitterness.

      Therefore, tell yourself that you have forgiven your former lover. When thoughts of revenge or hatred against your ex comes to your mind, reject them by saying words of reconciliation such as, "I have forgiven Isaac. I stand by that decision. I will not let any feelings of bitterness control my heart." Say those words until those thoughts leave your mind. Keep repeating this habit and with time the bitterness will leave your heart.

      2. Write Down Your Feelings

      Write down all the negative thoughts that come into your mind, in your diary or in a notebook. Writing them down will make you feel that you are getting rid of them and it will make you feel better. Put the book aside for a few days and then pick it up again and read what you have written. You will notice that you feel relieved. It is a great way of coping with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend.

      3. Talk to a Supportive Person

      Reach out to your friends who have also broken up with their lovers before, and who are getting on with their lives. They will understand what you are going through and they can give you valuable, practical knowledge which can help you to cope with the break up.

      4. Commit Yourself to Others

      Build into the lives of the underprivileged in your community or your neighborhood. Visit them, give them gifts, and learn about their experiences. It will make you see that you are blessed as a person. This will help you to stop whining and complaining about your situation. Furthermore, it will help you to focus your mind on something positive, thereby driving negative thoughts, such as the memories of the break up, from your mind.

      5. Exercise Regularly

      Make it a habit to exercise every morning and evening. Exercising will release chemicals known as endorphin in to your body which will help to make you feel relaxed and happy.

      Here is a simple exercise you can do to relieve stress and tension every morning:

      1. When you go into your bathroom clasp your hands behind your back and make your arms point towards the floor.

      2. Breathe in deeply while you pull your shoulder back and your chest up.

      3. Exhale slowly. As you do so, bend forward and raise your arms above your head.

      You will feel invigorated to go about your activities for the day.

      6. Pray

      The Bible says in Psalms 147v 3 that, "God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." God can heal your downcast heart as well as give you the strength and grace you need to get on with your life. Therefore, talk to God and ask Him to help you cope with the break up. Ask Him to help you let go of the pain. Pray to Him to make you forget the past and fall in love with another person as well.


      To cope with a break up, try to forgive your former lover, release your pain and grief by writing down your thoughts and invest your love in people who are not as fortunate as you are. Doing these things, in addition to seeking God's help to deal with the situation, will help you to get on with your life.