I Really Do Love Her and Would Like To Have Her Back

[Taurus17]

Hello everyone,
49-year-old male and about five years ago I met someone within my industry of work
she had a five-year-old at the moment and was living with her fiancé .... Long story short about two years after we started a affair which had many times we tried to stop and we never could .... she actually tried to stop it many times and I persisted and persisted and we kept going and going -, we fell in love shared a lot of beautiful moments great deep conversations but recently decided to stop because we were getting nowhere ....She has always been terrified to destroy her family for her two young boys however has always said she will not stay in a unhappy relationship forever

The relationship with the father of her children has been very toxic for many years and they actually had separated twice and had a ton of problems before she even met me - The guy even knows about everything and has actually spoken to me face-to-face
but he continues to fight for her and try to make things work - He has hurt her many times in the past so I guess that’s why he has put up with it

so right now we have not spoken in about 10 days and had contact via message on Tuesday I know it’s best to go 30 days no contact to see if she misses me enough to make the jump and change in her life so I guess I’m just asking for advice on that

I really do love her and would like to have her back but only want her back 100% never again will I except to be the other Man ...

[Brett]

It is a common theme in our popular culture. I cannot tell you the amount of misinformation I hear in songs or see in movies.

Guy sees girl. Girl has boyfriend. Girl realizes her boyfriend is a jerk and dumps boyfriend for our hero.

Problem is, in real life, the girl our hero ends up with generally has NO integrity.

If she did it to him, she will do it to you.

Let me be clear. If you are chasing a woman with a boyfriend, then you are WASTING YOUR TIME.

I do not care what she says.

"He is a jerk. You are so nice to me. I should be with you."

"It is going to end soon. We just do not get along. Hang in there a little longer. I have never met a guy like you before."

When she does that, and you hang in there waiting for her, she has 2 turkeys on the line. Her turkey of a boyfriend who is in a relationship with her, taking the beating and the turkey that wants to replace turkey 1 (you).

Can a woman truly be in a bad situation by choosing the wrong guy or by being with a man that changed? Sure.

But why do you want to be there for all the drama as their relationship is coming to a close?

Beyond the drama though, how do you know if it is just a good lady that is trying to extract herself from a bad situation or a girl playing one guy off the other? We tell guys on our dating women radio show all the time that women are great actresses when it comes to dating and relationships and they are BETTER at it than men are. Do not even try to figure where she is coming from. You cannot.

The point is, do not get entangled in this type of situation because there is no upside. We tell guys that you need a clean deal. No exes, fiances, husbands or boyfriends hanging in the background is the rule of thumb.

If she is not available with no strings attached then it is not worth it.

We use odds in dating women and relationships because we all have a limited amount of time. You have better odds of having a relationship with a woman with no strings attached than one embroiled in a boyfriend situation (plus, you never know if she is a disloyal type of person that will do to you someday what she did to the boyfriend she just dumped to go out with you).

[Gloria]

I will advice you don't push her too much, just allow her make the decision of breaking up with him. Be patient and you will eventually get her as your spouse.

[Taurus17]

I wish I was as confident as you are but I wonder why you seem sure of that

[Taurus17]

I will advice you don't push her too much, just allow her make the decision of breaking up with him. Be patient and you will eventually get her as your spouse.

Thnx I have something for her and I asked her if she would see me next week for me to give it to her I would not pressure her it’s up to her and she said OK so we will see

[Cutieldcons]

Hmmmm... love is not selfish and being in an affair, is a bit on that topic. If only circumstances were different, yeah? I hope she makes the right decision. Good luck to you both, though.

[Taurus17]

Well, She says she has surrendered to GOD and doing the RIGHT THING by staying and trying to SAVE her family......
We saw each other at an event in DECEMBER and she looked at me very lovingly, etc.
I feel very hurt, she was my best friend etc...However I feel and realize it was WRONG for me to pursue her while she is in a relationship and with 2 young boys..
Back in OCTOBER when we broke up, she told me that it was mainly because of her 10 yr old son, etc......Lately we have spoken or messaged like once a week
(always me initiating) and she says NOW that she realizes there were things that I did and my behavior etc that showed her that maybe we were not made to be etc...
It seems to me that she is looking for excuses to convince her to stay where she is......Her parents passed away years ago and hardly has any family except for the family of the father of her children....Do i just stay away NO CONTACT.....Web sites says YES and some say NO...