Fiancee broke up with me

[Sypentra]

Hi, I have been meaning to talk to someone about this for a while now but only thought i'd post it now, it will be quite lengthy.

My ex broke up with me on the 6th of September, we we're engaged, lived in the same house together and shared 100% everything we did together. We also have a 1 year old daughter together.

Nearing the end of our relationship we had a lot of arguments about little things that didn't even matter looking back on it. We had always had money troubles and I had a hard time coping to adjust to having a baby for quite some time. There were a few problems in our relationship which could have been fixed if we communicated well (Which we didn't do) such as: Money problems, not liking where we lived, not having money coming in, living in a cramped space, getting on each others nerves.

One particular time in work, a girl started flirting with me in work and so I told my fiancee, she told me to stay away from her and stop talking to her, which is what I did. I sent the girl in work a lot of messages because I enjoyed her company and actually enjoyed the fact the she liked to flirt with me, I did my best to not flirt back but I can only assume that some of my messages that I sent her could have looked like I was flirting back, but I saw her as a friend and I would never ever have cheated on my ex in a million years.

Now, I believe that me and my ex have an incredible amount in common. Same books, same films, we both like gothic stuff, we both agree on the education side of our daughter and we even agreed on what future we would have together and we were both fine with that.

Here's what I am confused with even now a few months later. I don't understand what was so bad that made he dump me, take our child to her parents and then leave our house with all her stuff the exact same day, she even told me that was she wasn't going to tell me my daughter had gone, she was just going to take her to her parents. I see my ex and my daughter once a week for a couple of hours, during that time we chat and have a laugh, in my eyes some of it could be taken as flirting by my ex but the majority is talking and trying to make each other laugh as well as general chit chat, we have a good time together. She also said to me after breaking up that she doesn't want to find anyone else to be with right now and maybe in the far future she will find someone else.

I think the reason why she moved out and split up was because she was so sick and tired of the drama that was attached to us and just wanted to break away from it all.

Here's another point. I did a lot for her and made every decision with her in mind. My ex was the one who wanted a child a bit more than I did but I was happy to go along with having one but she thrusted the idea on me a lot, she wanted our own place so we got one, she wanted our daughter in her name so we did that, she wanted to get engaged early so we did that (To provide our daughter with the knowledge that she is being brought up in a secure family by the way), she wanted our daughter Christened so we did that too, I was giving up my dreams of completing University to try and find a job to get income in, my ex always had this idea of home schooling Emily and therefore would not be able to get a job due to the fact that she would be a 24/7 stay-at-home Mum with our daughter and she would never ever have strayed away from that future, it's that or nothing again, something that I was happy with because I loved my ex. A lot of things went her way and I don't think she realises what I was giving up for her. She also said that she tried to fix our relationship, fair enough, but she never spoke to me about it, I thought it was just a phase of money troubles and we were stressing a lot all the time so I thought 'We would get over it'.

I don't understand how she could be so selfish. She now doesn't trust me as a Dad even though I helped raise our child for her whole life, I was there for the birth too and was 100% supporting my daughter. She is stopping me from having our daughter alone until she 'trusts' me again (I have done nothing wrong to warrant her actions regarding our daughter not being alone with me). She absolutely does not want to get back together, except, I don't fully believes she yet knows what she has lost. She wants this perfect life where everything is perfect but right now she is in this bubble. She lives with her parents and is safe there but beyond that, I can't see how she is going to cope with moving out and getting money if she is home-schooling our daughter. When she left the house that we lived in together, she left all the bills, rent and everything else all up to me and wouldn't pay a single thing for it either, it was just like a switch flicked and she went from this loving person who literally day before breaking up with me was having great sex with me and was the loveliest person in the world.

Like i've said though we have an incredible amount in common and have shared so so many memories together and when I am with her, it just feels right and I can be myself.

I guess here's what I want to know:

Have I done anything wrong to warrant her actions?
Has she overreacted?
Could this have been solved if we just spoke to eachother
Why is she acting this way?
How come she never wanted to solve our relationship?
Any chance of her returning to me in the future? How likely?

I really also would like a general opinion on the matter, who was right/wrong etc.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, it means a lot to me.

Luke.

[Shirley]

I know exactly how you are feeling at the moment. Breakups hurts and it's something nobody wants to experience. However, you did nothing wrong that led to the breakup, neither did your ex fiancee. So, you need to stop the blame game and think of solution to resolving the issues you have with your ex. Nevertheless, you can't do anything at the moment to get her back, because it appears she has made up her mind not to be with you again. The only thing you can do now is to give her space for at least 3 months, that is, stop contacting her either by visiting her or any other means of communication. This will make her miss you and also make her realize what she has lost. When you have given her time to miss you, then she will be eager to be with you again.

[Rob]

You'd love to get another chance with her, you've probably already tried several different methods to win back her heart. If that's the case, you may just want to try ignoring her. Although this may go against everything your heart and mind is telling you to do, it actually does work. You can reignite her interest in you if you pay less and less attention to her.

The reason why ignoring your ex girlfriend works so well to get her back is simple. After a break up there's one emotion that overpowers all the others. That emotion is the feeling of rejection. It's what you're experiencing right now and it's what drives you to do just about anything to get your girlfriend back. There's a desperation that accompanies rejection and there's only two ways to rid yourself of that feeling. One is to be patient and let time take control until you reach a point where the break up is just a distant memory. The other approach is to try and get your ex back. If you start ignoring your girlfriend, you'll actually be shifting the feeling of rejection from yourself onto her.

It's human nature to want the things we can't have. This starts when we're infants and just gets progressively worse as we age. If you are suddenly completely unavailable to your ex girlfriend, her interest will be kicked into high gear. If she knows you still love her, she'll be expecting you to create a fuss about the break up. She'll be anticipating you calling her and texting her repeatedly in an effort to win her back. If you don't do that, if you suddenly stop contacting her completely, she'll feel a void in her life that only you can fill. You do need to be serious about this though. If you're going to take the route of ignoring her, do it completely. Don't waver and send her a message from time-to-time. Stay strong and stay clear of her. Before you know it she'll be reaching out to talk to you again.

[Sandra]

There are several things any man can do to show the woman he still loves how much she means to him. It's not about buying her gifts or proclaiming your undying love for her. In fact, the most effective way to get her back may actually surprise you.

In order to really show your ex girlfriend you still love her you have to do one thing. You have to respect her needs and wants. If she's asked you for some time, the worst thing you can do is badger her repeatedly with phone calls asking her to take you back. The best thing you can do is tell her that you understand and give her that space. This doesn't mean you are agreeing to not be a part of her life in the future, it does mean for the time being you are respecting her wishes and giving her room.

Taking on the role of a friend is something you will need to do to show your ex girlfriend you still love and value her as part of your life. Many men don't recognize the benefits in becoming just a friend to an ex. They fear that it means that they'll be designated to that status forever and will lose any chance of every reigniting the romance between the two of them. That's not the case. You will actually benefit more from becoming her friend because she will start to trust you again and in time will completely open up to you. Approaching her from just a romantic point of view may cause her to close herself off to protect her heart. Become her friend and remind her of why she fell in love with you in the first place.

[Rose Mosse]

Deep down I don't feel like you are both cut out to be together. I don't care if you are in the army, at the movies, at work or on your neighbour's farm helping out, a man shouldn't be communicating with another woman if he's in a committed relationship. Some of you may think it's extreme but someone has to have the courage to say it. The main problem is that you continued to do what was disrespectful to your fiancee and erodes at the trust and love that you both have built. You're complaining that she doesn't see what you gave up but it's actually you and no one else but you who gave up the opportunity to go to university.