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Divorced and now seeing each other again.

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  • Divorced and now seeing each other again.

    RomanceDictionary.com
    My ex wife and I have been divorced for less than a year and have a 3 year old son. Recently I have told her I still love her very much and I would like to see if we can make this work again. She has agreed to spend time together which we have been doing but I now feel this brings questions to the table that I do not know the answer to.

  • #2
    Admittedly I was a large part of the problem in our marriage with excessive drinking and just not being a good husband. I did not cheat, but I just wasn't supportive and did not give her the love she deserved. Now that she has agreed to spend time together I feel like maybe I am expecting things to move to fast. Call it the world we live in where we demand instant gratification. I text her and probably too much to be honest. She has said she is enjoying being with me and is excited to see where this goes but that she also needs some time alone. The confusion is that she has told me several times words are words and she needs to see actions. However sometimes when I ask her to do things and be around her to show these actions she says I need to to relax and just take it one step at a time. I don't want to be pushy but I am so excited at the possibility of having the woman back that I love so much. I know I messed this all up and should be thankful she even wants to try this, but it's so hard when you get your mind set on something not to want to go at it 110%. When she says she needs some time alone as well I feel like I take that as not wanting to be with me. Maybe I just need to realize she needs to take the time to process all of this? Any help/thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

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    • ElizabethKovar
      ElizabethKovar commented
      Editing a comment
      Good luck!! my best wishes for you guys

  • #3
    It's human nature to want to protect the things that are vitally important to you. That's the reason why when the subject of a break from your marriage comes up, you react in a way that suggests to your wife that you'll have no part of it. You may have stormed out of the room at the mere mention of a temporary separation or perhaps you told her that you can't live without her in an effort to guilt her into reconsidering. Regardless of the approach you decided to take, ultimately your wife now sees that you are ready, willing and emotionally able to fight for your marriage. That's romantic in theory but right now your wife isn't looking for you to play the role of prince charming, she simply wants you to understand her needs and help her to accommodate them.

    Taking time away from each other may seem like a failure of the relationship on the surface. That's not what it is at all. In fact, it can be the mature way to regain your focus and reconnect on an emotional level. It's often hard to see the good in a person when you are always in a negative place. If you and your wife have reached a point in your marriage where arguing is par for the course, staying in the same situation is not going to work towards any type of positive change. You'll continue to bicker, the tension will rise and eventually you'll both just throw your hands in the air in utter frustration and decide that divorce is the answer.

    A temporary time out or separation gives you both breathing room and, more importantly, perspective. If you take a step back from the conflicts, your temper will settle and all the difficult emotions that have been bouncing around will finally be put to rest. You'll start to remember the better moments you and your wife have shared, and she will as well.

    The greatest gift you can give to your wife if she's asked for space or time is to be compassionate in giving her that. Don't view this as the beginning of the end of your marriage but rather the beginning of the best part of your marriage. By separating from one another you'll soon realize what you each mean to the other. It will also help you to calm your emotions enough that you'll get to a point where you'll be able to clearly determine whether moving forward towards a stronger, happier and kinder marriage is possible or if making the separation more permanent would be in both your best interests. You'll never know the strength of your connection to your wife unless you put it to the test and put your faith in her and in yourself to weather the storm.

    Comment


    • #4
      RomanceDictionary.com
      When your wife wants time alone it's very important for you to validate that. Not taking it seriously or pretending her feelings will magically change won't help you at all. She's telling you what she's feeling and what she requires from you and this is an opportunity for you to step up to the plate and to become the husband that she wants and needs.

      Listen to what she shares with you and then really absorb it and treat it as a lesson in how to be a better partner. Ask her about her desire to have time alone and what she feels is lacking in your relationship. It's a hard conversation for any man to have with his wife, but it's a crucial one. You need to hear honestly where things have gone wrong for her and what she feels is missing in the marriage.

      Holding onto her too tightly right now is tempting but you have to resist the urge to do that. If your wife wants time alone you must give it to her regardless of how challenging that is for you. This is a true test of how much you love her and you need to look at this from a more positive place.

      If a couple takes some time apart it can redefine their relationship. They suddenly have a chance to see what their life is like without the other person. Consider the fact that if your wife needs time alone it could change the way she sees you and your relationship with one another. She'll miss you and when a person misses another they tend to focus on the positive things about that person and their negative qualities fade into the background.

      As long as you continue to stress to your wife how much you love her throughout all of this, she'll never doubt it. In many cases it takes some time apart for a couple to come back together stronger and more committed to one another than they've ever been before.

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