What Should I Do To Get Him Back?

[Nora]

First of all..i would like to apologize if my english is not good..im from malaysia and my english language is just moderate...
I have this problem with tis guy..at first he seems like he likes me a lot..he pay attention for me..he fulfilled all my request..he spend time with me..but then, three weeks ago he withdraw from our relationships.i dont know why he suddenly do that. i keep thinking is it because of me or this is the normal process for him to develop his feelings? now im leaving him with his world i did not contact him at all. i wish that he will contact me first. what should i do to get him back? i really like this guy..and furthermore we already discuss about our future before although it is just a casual conversation on that time but i believe man would not discuss about marriage with the girl that he does not have feelings for right? please help me. i really want to make things right for us."

[Nicolas]

Hi Nora,

Now this is quite a common thing with men Nora and is a natural process a man can go through with a woman.

Now I would like you to consider some Questions Nora, you said this guy fulfilled all your requests.

However what about you Nora, have you fulfilled his requests?

Now another question Nora..........." i keep thinking is it because of me or this is the normal process for him to develop his feelings? now im leaving him with his world i did not contact him at all. i wish that he will contact me first. what should i do to get him back?"

Have you thought that he maybe thinking the very same about you Nora?

That he may be "thinking" that he has upset you in some way, that you have a problem with him?

Also where is the "rule" that says you cannot contact him?

Find out how he is?

You are wondering and making assumptions about him...When you don't really know what is going on with him, nor he knows what is going on with you?

If you are not talking to each other...How can you know, "how" each other is feeling?

What is to stop you giving him a call...A simple call to ask how he is and that you have missed him and would like to meet up for a coffee or tea?

I do not know of any rule Nora that says a woman cannot contact a man?

That is all it may need Nora...A simple phone call instead of all this agony of thinking and assuming to find out what is really going on for him.

And I said phone call Nora....Don't text.

[David]

First, you always want to allow your partner the right to exercise free will. You never want to put yourself in the position of trying to coerce your man into getting back together with you. It is important that he wants to reconcile as well. Otherwise he will just bide his time until someone else comes along or he gets tired of you.

Sometimes you have to let him go in order to get him back. That means you accept that the relationship is over and you move on with your life. Letting go does not mean you no longer love him, it means you understand that you both need to want the relationship to move forward in order for it to work. When he is pulling back and hesitant about the relationship, you need to do the same.

He is not calling? Make sure you do not call, or text, or get in his face in any way. Let it be. If there is any chance at all of getting him back, it will happen when you restrain from doing the obvious. Some men enjoy it when you fall apart and confess your undying love. They think: "I got her, what else is out there?" Men enjoy chasing and conquering and your man may have become a little too comfortable.

So do the unexpected, let him go and see if he will return, and if he doesn't, like the saying goes: He wasn't yours to begin with, or you can't lose what you don't have. Cliché, I know, but there's a lot of truth in those sayings.

Letting go is hard, you want to be with him and share your life with him as you did in the past. But that only works if he wants it too. If he is mad over some incident, he will get over it and come back to you, but only if he cares enough and that's what you want. You want him to care enough to walk back into your life.

Yes, you can get him back. He loved you once, he can love you again. It is not hopeless; you just need to know what to do, and what not to do. You have the first step: No Contact.

[Ella]

I am going to share some very specific things that you should and should not do if you really want to be successful in your efforts to win him back.

First, You Have To Stop Doing These Four Things Right Now

1. No more calling, e-mailing, or texting him all day and night. I know it is really hard to resist doing this, especially when you miss him so much. But I'm telling you, it's totally working against you.

2. Don't keep arguing with your ex about your breakup. I know this is going to sound like strange advice, but what you really need to do is agree with him about your breakup. Once you stop pushing, you give him a chance to start feeling drawn to you again. People want what they can't have; it's human nature. Get him to worry that he might not be able to get you back, and you'll make him start wanting you again.

3. Don't get in touch with his family and friends. It seems like it would make sense to check in with them and see what they know about your breakup, right? But it won't work. He will find out and it will just irritate him and push him away more.

4. Don't run into him "by accident." This will make it seem like you've been following him around and make you appear just that much more desperate. This is not going to help you get him back.

So then, what SHOULD I do? Simple. Even if you've done some or all of the things above, you can still turn things around and get him back. It all starts with mailing him a short, handwritten letter. Here's what you want to include in the letter:

1. Let him know that you are okay with breaking up now.

2. Tell him you actually agree with the decision to breakup and that you feel like it's the best thing for both of you.

3. If you did something you feel really bad about, you can apologize for it. Only do this if it was something really bad and even then, keep it brief. Otherwise, just leave this out.

4. Tell him you have something really good going on in your life right now that you like to tell him about one of these days.

5. Let him know that you want to give him some space right now.

6. End with something like this: It would be nice if we could be friends again some day.

When you write the note, make it sound like you feel calm and cool about the whole situation. And that's all you need to do. I'm telling you, this letter really works like magic. It will intrigue him and get him to start thinking about you again. And that's the first step toward getting back together with him.

[Nora]

Thank you everyone for taking out time to respond to my question, and offering me advice.