Google Adsense

Collapse

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

How Can He Move on So Quickly While I'm Stuck Here Feeling So Awful?

Collapse

MillionaireMatch

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • How Can He Move on So Quickly While I'm Stuck Here Feeling So Awful?

    RomanceDictionary.com
    My boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago. We'd been together for 3 years. He never cheated or anything like that but for after a year of fighting all the time and feeling like we were never going anywhere in our relationship I finally just got fed up and dumped him.

    I wanted him to fight to get me back. I wanted him to show me how much he loved me and needed me. I wanted him to do ANYTHING to have me again.

    But now my friends tell me he's been out with other women (plural!) in the last couple weeks. I think he's even slept with some of them. The thought of even TOUCHING another man right now just makes me sick and I can't even imagine how he can do that to me after all we had together.

    So here's my question:

    How can he move on so quickly while I'm stuck here feeling so awful and mourning what we had? It makes me feel like he never loved me in the first place. It makes me feel like he never even cared.

  • #2
    OK, first off BREATHE.

    Breaking up with someone you care about can be as devastating as getting dumped and you're doing the right thing by taking the time to mourn your relationship before moving on.

    Now, why is your boyfriend able to "move on" so much faster than you?

    Well, there's a couple reasons:

    1. Is "Culturalization." That's a really fancy word for "In western culture, men don't cry."

    While it's totally acceptable in our culture for a woman to become very emotional around a break up, to cry and to mourn the death of a relationship, men are held to a very different standard (and are trained from a young age to "swallow" every emotion except for anger.)

    It could be that your boyfriend is absolutely devastated by the break up but just doesn't have the emotional tools to deal with it. So he's going out drinking with buddies and picking up girls as a way to deal with his pain and reaffirm his masculinity after being dumped.

    2. Is "Compartmentalization."

    Sex doesn't mean the same thing to men as it does to women (and it's not even really kept in the same part of the brain.)

    In your boyfriend's brain "missing you" and "sleeping with other girls" aren't mutually exclusive.

    So even though the idea of even touching another man is disgusting to you right now, that's just not how your ex boyfriend's brain is wired to work.

    Is it "disrespectful" for him to hop into bed with other women so quickly?

    Possibly.

    But from his point of view he got dumped, is "free" for the first time in years and this is his chance to go out and "sow his wild oats."

    OK, now that we've covered that stuff, let's talk about the real question:

    Does his "moving on" so fast mean he never loved you?

    And the answer to that one is a really simple and resounding "no."

    It doesn't mean anything of the kind. In fact, I'd say that nothing about his behaviour really suggests he's "moved on" at all. It just means he's dealing with his anger and his sadness and his disappointment and his confusion and his primal desire for other women (a desire ALL men have) in a way you'd rather he didn't.

    The fact is, you broke up with him. And even though you hoped he'd fight dragons to get you back, you can't control what he feels, what he wants or what he does.

    The only thing you CAN control is your reaction.

    So take time for yourself.

    Push him and these "other women" out of your head.

    Realize that it's totally possible he's in as much pain as you are right now and really focus on your own healing.

    Comment


    • #3
      We have seen it happen all around us. From celebrities to the guy you have been dating, all seem to have one thing in common. They all manage to move on quite fast while we sit around moping and weeping for them. Here are some of the reasons why guys seem to move on quickly.

      Social conditioning
      One can very conveniently blame the social conditioning that we all are given as we are growing up. Just like it most women believe that shedding tears when you get dumped is quite the acceptable thing to do, a man cannot be expected to do the same. He has his macho image to protect.

      Appearance
      A man also has to "appear" to be in control and fine at all times. It is again his conditioning and ego that makes him want to have a controlled and calm exterior. But since most people want to see through that he begins to date and exhibit that he's moving on.

      Coping mechanism
      Both the genders have their own set of coping mechanisms. While women sit at home and cry men go out and get drunk. In all of this it seems that the guy is already moving on while the woman suffers silently.

      Focus on the "tough" image
      A man has to protect his tough image with religious fervor. It is an integral part of his being which he cannot allow to tarnish. In order to keep up his tough image a man portrays that he is moving on even though he might be hurting badly inside.

      Fear
      Men fear that people will see their vulnerability. While they do want some of the emotional time off they also fear that if they do so their vulnerable side will be exposed and all will see his insecurities and fears.

      Emotional immaturity
      Emotional immaturity also plays a big role in guys moving on quickly. A lot of men go by their primal instincts where they feel that they have to mate as many times as possible so that their existence is substantiated. These emotionally unstable men cannot be in relationships for long and also move on very fast since they are never really tied down to someone truly.

      The pressure to prove
      A lot of men also move on very fast because they want to prove to those near to them their desirable status. By replacing an ex very fast they are just trying to show their connection with their ex was easily replaceable and that he needs no time to grieve.

      Comment


      • #4
        RomanceDictionary.com
        Helpful advice from you both, thank you.

        Comment

        Working...
        X