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Should I Stay With Him Just For The Sex?

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  • Should I Stay With Him Just For The Sex?

    RomanceDictionary.com
    I recently broke up with my boyfriend and father of my 2 year old daughter. I'm 35 and he's 28. He is now seeing a 22 year old girl for the use of her truck - I believe. He says that he still loves me (maybe just for the sex) and we have continued to have sex since breaking up. He is, however, very irresponsible in a relationship. The sex is great between us and I have a hard time turning him down because I do still love him. I think that I may want him back because I can't stand to see him with someone else or to think that he is sleeping with another person.

    Should I stay with him just for the sex? Or should I make him make a choice of getting no sex unless he's willing to make the relationship work between us? What should I do?

  • #2
    What is a relationship?

    A relationship can be defined as "a state of connectedness between people". Because of the fact that the two of you have a child together, you will always have a parental relationship and parental responsibilities. The choice that each of you have to make is what type of relationship you want in addition to being the parents of your daughter.

    Here are just a few ideas:

    An intimate relationship is a relationship with a great deal of physical and/or emotional intimacy - romantic or passionate love and attachment with or without sex.

    A casual relationship (sometimes referred to as "friends with benefits") is the physical and emotional relationship between two unmarried people who have a sexual relationship or a near-sexual relationship without necessarily demanding or expecting a more formal relationship as a goal.

    Friendship, is a relationship that results when two people have found a common ground and consists of mutual love, trust, respect, and unconditional acceptance of one another.

    I recommend that the two of you have a heart to heart, open and honest discussion about what you both want and are willing to accept around your relationship as adults and your relationship as parents.

    It is critical to check your ego at the door.

    We have been known to use a code word or a physical object to use as a flag when someone's ego starts flaring up. Once that happens, any intelligent conversation is over. If someone's ego takes over the conversation (you'll know when this happens by tone and number of snipes the other person starts making), take a 15 minute break in separate rooms to allow yourselves to cool down. And then resume the conversation.

    A brief discussion on jealousy.

    Jealousy can be defined as "a boundary-setting custom developed for limiting sexual access to those relationships that a group defines as important." It's that feeling of fear, suspicion, or envy over something you perceive as your possession.

    I'm going to get on my soap box for a moment here...

    In modern society, many people mistake a romantic relationship, for a purchase contract. If we could simply understand that we do not and should not 'own' or try to control another person, there would be no jealously.

    Jealousy is a very primitive emotion based entirely on fear and the desire to control other people and their actions - When in reality, the only real control that we have is over ourselves and our actions.

    Jealousy and fear are engrained in our society and encouraged by governments and religions to exercise control over the population. That's why when you get married, you sign a "marriage contract", to take possession of your spouse... (I warned you this was going to be a little controversial.)

    Here's an idea. Try replacing jealousy, control, and ownership with forgiveness, acceptance, and unconditional love in all of your relationships. You'll be much happier in all areas of your life once you let go of fear and wanting to control others. Really - give it a try...

    Staying with him just for sex.

    There's absolutely nothing wrong with having sex just for the sake of good sex! IF you're both emotionally mature enough to enjoy it without feeling guilty or trying to make the other person feel guilty.

    Take a step back to understand the reasons that you want to have sex with each other. Are you trying to fill an emotional void? Trying to hold on to previous feeling about each other? Do you simply enjoy it? What are your personal reasons? Make sure they resonate true to you and actually bring you joy. Don't do it for the wrong reasons.

    Making him choose between sex and relationship.

    My advice on this one - Don't ever push a man, or anyone else, into a corner by forcing a decision like that, they'll run every time :-).

    Instead, take some time to REALLY get to know each other on an honest and very deep level. This is that heart to heart discussion that I mentioned at the beginning.

    If you can't be honest with each other, you lose from the beginning.

    In summary...
    • Spend some time with yourself to understand what you really want out of the relationship.
    • Talk to each other openly and honestly about what type of relationship your both want and will agree upon - and stick to it.
    • Replace jealousy, control, and ownership with forgiveness, acceptance, and unconditional love.

    Comment


    • #3
      I wanted to share this Christian dating advice for women with my Christian single sisters because some single women think that the best way to get a guy to commit to them is to give him their body and sleep with him. They believe that by having sex with a guy it will create a stronger bond between them and that it will ignite true love and commitment in the heart of the guy.

      Some Christian single ladies have this false idea that they can use sex to trap a guy into a long term relationship. Sex does not equal love and sex certainly will not guarantee you a long term relationship with a guy. Let me let you into the mind of a guy real quick, a guy can sleep with you without having any feelings for you. A guy can be having sex with you while his mind is somewhere else.

      For a typical woman, her whole body spirit, soul and emotions are involved when she is having a sexual experience with a man. That's why after sex most women still want to cuddle and hold hands and talk because for women sex isn't just the act of intercourse.

      But men are different (I should know because I am one), a typical man can have sex with a woman without his emotions being involved, meaning that while you are sleeping with him and thinking of how wonderful the experience is and having fantasies about a future with him, he might only be involved in the act with just his body and his mind and emotions are elsewhere, he might just be sleeping with you for the momentary pleasure and not have any plans of a future with you or even any romantic feelings for you, at worst he might even just see you as a nice physical body that he wants to have sex with and conquer sexually but have absolutely no connection with you on an emotional or spiritual level.

      That's why a guy can finish having sex with a woman and get up straight away to go watch football while the woman still wants to remain in bed and talk and be romantic.

      So you see the danger of thinking that you can trap him by sleeping with him. Aside from the fact that as Christians, sex outside of marriage is wrong and you shouldn't be doing it as a single person even if you are in a so called committed courtship, you also as a woman are in danger of short changing yourself by offering your most prized possession to a guy that might not even be genuine in his intentions towards you.

      If a guy truly loves you and wants to be with you, he will, regardless of whether you give him sex or not and believe me when I tell you that I say that from experience. Sex is not what will make him stay, just ask the many ladies who slept with a guy thinking he will commit to them and love them in turn, only to find that the guy slept with them and left them for their girlfriend and in some cases they were left with an unwanted or unplanned pregnancy and now find themselves raising his child without his help or involvement.

      Instead of getting his love and commitment in return for the sex they gave him as they hoped, they got something else they didn't bargain for.

      So I really hope that the single ladies and single women that read this will heed to the advice I have shared in this article. It could potential save you from a lifetime of pain and disappointments. It always pays to do things the right way which is Gods way and I can testify to the fact that when I conducted my courtship with my wife Gods way, it succeeded while all the others that I compromised in failed.

      Sex is not a bargaining tool, neither is it a tool to be used to blackmail or trick a guy into staying with you. Sex is sacred and is to be reserved for that special guy that truly loves you enough to stay with you and commit to you and marry you even without you giving him sex. Such a guy has proven himself faithful and deserving.

      Comment


      • #4
        RomanceDictionary.com
        Thank you all for your helpful advice.

        Comment

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