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Should i wait for him?

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  • Should i wait for him?

    Hi,
    I have been in this 1 year relationship with an awesome guy from my college. He used to treat me well, used to tell me that i am his one and only. Now, since my college days are over i shifted to homeplace which is almost 2000 kms away from his place. Even then we talked well for a few days. Since he was at his home he was not able to talk to me over the phone. We just texted each other. But i felt a bit insecure and started fights with him. Actually i felt a bit avoided too because he had a lot of girls after him. But aftrr every fight we used to get back together for 1-2 days. He promised me that he wont avoid my messages because sometimes he avoided them and the readon was that he was busy but even then he would be online. And i felt insecure. But on his birthday he ignored me for the whole day. He didnt have time to talk to me over the phone. I felt bad but didnt spoil his day. Next day, in order to make him afraid that he would lose me, i told him that i need breakup. He told me that he cant leave me. Then i explained the reason and asked him why didnt he have time to talk to me yesterday and why did he hang up my phone abruptly even before completing the conversation. He told me that there were others waiting to wish him. And i didnt think it that way. And then suddenly he told me that he wanted to finish this because he needed freedom. He didn't want to explain his life to anyone.
    And after that i tried to talk to him for 3 days but he talked rudely to me. Someone who just 2 days ago said that i am the perfect girl for him, told me that he would get a better girl. He said that he dont need me anymore, that he wont ever come back. I am broken. What should i do? Should i wait for him? I think he is perfect for me and he thought the same about me too.. I dont know what happened to him suddenly.

  • #2
    You had a great guy and you dumped him, right?

    Whatever the reason, you dumped him and now you feel bad about it. If you're feeling bad, imagine what your ex boyfriend is feeling right now. Getting dumped sucks. He's probably feeling hurt and rejected right now.

    You want to talk to him about all this, but maybe you're getting the vibe from him that he's not interested in talking to you. Maybe he doesn't even want to see you right now. Can't blame the guy.

    Oh, come on. I'm not a bad person.

    I'm sure you're not, but you can bet that you're not on the top of his Christmas list right now. The best thing you can do right now is give your ex some space. He needs time to heal from the pain. If you try approaching him with an offer of getting back together and he's not ready, he'll probably push you away.

    You see, you've gotten yourself into a real pickle. It's not going to be easy explaining why you dumped him and then suddenly changed your mind - like out of the blue. He's not going to trust that you're sincere. Simply telling him that you want to get back together isn't good enough. After all, you changed your mind before, what's to stop you from dumping him again?

    That's what he's thinking.

    Girlfriend, you're gonna have to get real and PROVE to him that you want to patch things up. You need to SHOW him through your actions that you still love him and care about his feelings.

    As they say, action speaks louder than words.

    Write him a short note apologizing for hurting him. Let him know you still love him and when he's ready to talk, you'll be there for him.

    Give him a reason to smile again. Give him a little gift or do something nice for him.

    Compliment him on some positive change that he's made or special achievement.

    If he's not ready to talk yet, make eye contact with him and smile. Let him feel your warmth towards him.

    Build your friendship up and allow him to slowly begin trusting you again.

    If you're lucky, he'll want to rekindle your relationship.

    Comment


    • kblue
      kblue commented
      Editing a comment
      Damian i like your advice. Nice one

    • VPV
      VPV commented
      Editing a comment
      I m sorry Damian, but u got me wrong. Actually i didnt dump him, he dumped me.
      Actually what happened that day was: I was really pissed off since he didnt answer my calls and didnt talk to me interestingly on his birthday. So i asked him the reason for ignoring me, the next day,the reason for hanging up my fon abruptly. ANd just for making him worried about losing me, i told him that i am going to breakup with him. At that tym he told me that he cant leave me. And the fight continued for a while, about 10 min. During that he explained me the reason for ignoring me, that he had lot of other people also to give reply for the birthday wish, and since it was a genuine reason, i calmed down. But he, since he had to explain me everything, he told me that he wanted to breakup, that he needed freedom etc etc. Its not that i dont give him freedom, bcs, i give him enough space, even he told me that few weeks ago. We just talk for about 20-30 min everyday, I just ask him that much time. Even i am not clingy and he has appreciated me for that too, since his ex gf was a bit clingy.
      .He really loved me i know that. He is pure at heart. I dont know what happened to him sudenly. I think he is fed up of the fights. But i fought because we had our long distance relationship started and i wanted to have good conversations with him. I wanted to talk over fon with him which happened just once after me coming back to my homeplace(afer 2 weeks we talked over fon)
      After the breakup, I tried to reach him, he told me that he is enjoying his freedom, he is enjoying flirting with girls without any restrictions. It hurted me a lot. And at last i am in the no contact period. I dont think trying to talk to him would be helpful. But do you really think he will come back?

  • #3
    Whatever it was that made you turn around and end up with a dumped boyfriend, you're regretting it now because now, you want him back. But here's the thing he thinks you were very immature about it and wants nothing to do with you and everything that you've tried so far to get him back has not worked.

    Have you tried just giving him some time alone for a while? Because pretty much you've hurt his feelings big time and he's feeling a little humiliated. If you've been calling him and he is not answering, then that's a clear indication that he needs you to leave him alone for now. Instead of hitting him with countless text messages and calls, give him some time and take a look at the real reasons that might have caused you to act the way you did. Think about why you are telling yourself I dumped my boyfriend, big mistake now I want him back. Be honest with yourself and look at some of the issues you have that may cause this behavior.

    Here is a little know fact, some women like to end the relationship it to see if their boyfriends will put up a fight for them and the relationship. It is kind of like a strength test to see if the relationship has long-term promise. If this is what you did, then this is basically unacceptable behavior. Just ask yourself why you would even want to put someone who you clearly have feelings for through the trauma of a break up?

    For the most part anyone who tries to manipulate someone to this degree has some self-esteem issues that they should really think about looking at and working out. Your self-esteem is really your subconscious. If you are struggling with low self-esteem then the little voice in your head often shouts negativity at you and tells you that you are just not good enough. It is a problem many of us have, the good news it can be fixed fairly easy with a little effort on your part. Take the time to work on this and you will have a much happier life and relationship..

    I dumped my boyfriend, big mistake now I want him back you're going to have to clearly work on yourself. No self-respecting boyfriend wants to be around someone who is high maintenance and doesn't know what she really wants. So from now on make sure about what you are doing and why you are doing it. There are many good relationship advice systems that can help you with some of these issues, get one and you can get on the right track to happier and healthier relationships.

    So Instead of dumping the guy, why not sit and talk to him about your fears and your worries. He will think more of you if you are honest with him, rather than if you simply dump him for what appears to be no real reason. If you're good for each other, things will work out. By acting confident and grown up, you heighten your chances of getting him to come back to you. If you get along pretty well with each other, feel connected and really want to stay together, fix it. It is worth it.

    Comment


    • VPV
      VPV commented
      Editing a comment
      I m sorry Mabel, but u got me wrong. Actually i didnt dump him, he dumped me.
      Actually what happened that day was: I was really pissed off since he didnt answer my calls and didnt talk to me interestingly on his birthday. So i asked him the reason for ignoring me, the next day,the reason for hanging up my fon abruptly. ANd just for making him worried about losing me, i told him that i am going to breakup with him. At that tym he told me that he cant leave me. And the fight continued for a while, about 10 min. During that he explained me the reason for ignoring me, that he had lot of other people also to give reply for the birthday wish, and since it was a genuine reason, i calmed down. But he, since he had to explain me everything, he told me that he wanted to breakup, that he needed freedom etc etc. Its not that i dont give him freedom, bcs, i give him enough space, even he told me that few weeks ago. We just talk for about 20-30 min everyday, I just ask him that much time. Even i am not clingy and he has appreciated me for that too, since his ex gf was a bit clingy.
      .He really loved me i know that. He is pure at heart. I dont know what happened to him sudenly. I think he is fed up of the fights. But i fought because we had our long distance relationship started and i wanted to have good conversations with him. I wanted to talk over fon with him which happened just once after me coming back to my homeplace(afer 2 weeks we talked over fon)
      After the breakup, I tried to reach him, he told me that he is enjoying his freedom, he is enjoying flirting with girls without any restrictions. It hurted me a lot. And at last i am in the no contact period. I dont think trying to talk to him would be helpful. But do you really think he will come back?

      And yes, you are right for a thing, that i overthink and collect all negetive thoughts, he has told me that too. But i am ready to change now.:/ I repeatedly told him after the breaup that i would change this behaviour, to give me a last chance. but nothing worked.
      Last edited by VPV; 08-06-2017, 03:00 AM.

  • #4
    Originally posted by Mabel View Post
    Whatever it was that made you turn around and end up with a dumped boyfriend, you're regretting it now because now, you want him back. But here's the thing he thinks you were very immature about it and wants nothing to do with you and everything that you've tried so far to get him back has not worked.

    Have you tried just giving him some time alone for a while? Because pretty much you've hurt his feelings big time and he's feeling a little humiliated. If you've been calling him and he is not answering, then that's a clear indication that he needs you to leave him alone for now. Instead of hitting him with countless text messages and calls, give him some time and take a look at the real reasons that might have caused you to act the way you did. Think about why you are telling yourself I dumped my boyfriend, big mistake now I want him back. Be honest with yourself and look at some of the issues you have that may cause this behavior.

    Here is a little know fact, some women like to end the relationship it to see if their boyfriends will put up a fight for them and the relationship. It is kind of like a strength test to see if the relationship has long-term promise. If this is what you did, then this is basically unacceptable behavior. Just ask yourself why you would even want to put someone who you clearly have feelings for through the trauma of a break up?

    For the most part anyone who tries to manipulate someone to this degree has some self-esteem issues that they should really think about looking at and working out. Your self-esteem is really your subconscious. If you are struggling with low self-esteem then the little voice in your head often shouts negativity at you and tells you that you are just not good enough. It is a problem many of us have, the good news it can be fixed fairly easy with a little effort on your part. Take the time to work on this and you will have a much happier life and relationship..

    I dumped my boyfriend, big mistake now I want him back you're going to have to clearly work on yourself. No self-respecting boyfriend wants to be around someone who is high maintenance and doesn't know what she really wants. So from now on make sure about what you are doing and why you are doing it. There are many good relationship advice systems that can help you with some of these issues, get one and you can get on the right track to happier and healthier relationships.

    So Instead of dumping the guy, why not sit and talk to him about your fears and your worries. He will think more of you if you are honest with him, rather than if you simply dump him for what appears to be no real reason. If you're good for each other, things will work out. By acting confident and grown up, you heighten your chances of getting him to come back to you. If you get along pretty well with each other, feel connected and really want to stay together, fix it. It is worth it.

    Exactly, I agree with you

    Comment

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