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'Unchanging' lyrics - all feedback welcome

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MillionaireMatch

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  • 'Unchanging' lyrics - all feedback welcome

    Hi, I am new to writing lyrics, and would appreciate some feedback on whether they are any good.


    The lyrics are:

    Verse 1
    Once more my lover and you said oh baby,
    Once more we're bridging too far,
    I thought that loving was easy baby,
    Keep my feelings locked in a jar.

    Coming again and I'm easy baby,
    Coming again and I'm done,
    Pulling it out and slipping it off,
    Forget what it was I came from.

    Verse 2
    Face leaving traces of shadows in darkness,
    Feelings I had left behind,
    Moving to make it I shift it and shake it,
    Get myself hung up on a bind.

    Pulling together is pulling apart,
    These feelings I had from the start,
    Getting along is getting us nowhere,
    I sit and wait alone in the dark.

    Many thanks for any comments.

  • #2
    I don't get who the third person is and what exactly her/his role is supposed to be (maybe a threesome?). Is it needed? I wouldn't think so.

    There are a few exceptionally fine phrases, my favorites are "Pulling together is pulling apart", and "Getting along is getting us nowhere".

    As to the music - note that I'm very old and conservative if it comes to music, and I'm a quite lousy musician myself - I think the intro is too long and the tune has got a bit samey. It's not easy to make exciting songs in an AAAA scheme, i.e. songs with neither chorus nor bridge.

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    • #3
      Many thanks for the reply texter-bernd. I don't know exactly who the third person is either, or whether they are needed, but if they are not, then most of the lyrics become redundant and I would have to re-write them... I've kind of talked myself into needing that third person now... whoever they are!

      As to the music, I appreciate your feedback, and yes, the intro is too long. I have shorted this now (although it is not uploaded yet), and hopefully the 'unchanging' riff (part of the reason the song is called as such) keeps its interest throughout the song... well, I hope!

      Anyone wishing to skip the long intro, skip to about 40 seconds when the song kicks in.

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