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Slept with Date on First Date, Now what?

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  • Slept with Date on First Date, Now what?


    Hello,

    My name is Maverick. I'm a 32 year old woman who mutually ended an 11-year relationship with my ex. After three weeks of the breakup, I started dating online. I was so curious how dating works in today's age. When I met my ex, we were only 20 turning 21. The latest phones were Motorola Rzrs and Blackberries. The smartphone that we know today have not been developed. Since then, the way people interact with each other has changed through social media, texting and social sites.

    Backstory
    When I was with my ex for 11 years, WE NEVER HAD SEX. Yes, I know, it's crazy. My ex is a virgin and before I met him, I only had sex once. So we both didn't have that much experience in bed. We did try a few times, but he couldn't keep it up long enough to enter. Afterwards, he didn't have the confidence to try anymore and he gave up. He did make me go by fingering me.

    Situation
    I met a guy on a dating site. He is handsome and built. I initiated the chat on the site because that's how the site works. Women initiate the chats. We were a match. We were on and off chatting. Once you start chatting with someone on this site, anyone can initiate a conversation. I was initiating all these conversations. (Later, his reasoning was that his office didn't have good reception because it was made out of concrete. I don't know if that was just a lame excuse.) We had a good back and forth conversation. Then there was a lull and I initiated again by asking him if he played sports. No response.

    Then to stir shit up. I started a conversation again with, "Hi ____, can I ask you a direct question?"
    Him: Sure
    Me: "You're a good looking guy. Do you get asked out a lot?"
    Him: "That's very sweet of you. I do get attention. But I can be a little shy. Don't ask me why. Idk."

    Afterwards, we continued chatting until he asked for my number. That felt great.
    I gave him my number. Soon after, he texted me. That's a win. He actually texted me first.

    Our first conversation via text got sexual really fast. I was bothered by it a little, but I was also thrilled. I wasn't sure how to respond. I was actually turned on by this because I never felt this desired from my ex since our first year of dating.

    Him: "What's your favorite sex position?"
    Me: That's upfront.
    Him: Are you shy?
    Me: No.

    Before texting, he revealed during the dating app, "I'd like to meet someone smart and sexy. Date and be physical with. If things work out then serious."
    It wasn't a total surprise that he was upfront about sex. I actually liked it because my ex-boyfriend was never opened and it was nice to meet someone who was forward about it. As we continued to text each other, I decided to call him. We spoke for an hour just getting to know each other. We eventually ended the conversation because he was out getting a haircut.

    Later, he texted me that he was done. I asked if I could see a pic with the new haircut.
    Him, "But I'm not dressed."

    I chuckled and thought, "put on some clothes then."
    But I texted back, "Okay, I guess clothes are optional."
    He sent a pic with his half naked body. Oh boy, he was packing a six pack. Yum.

    That whole texting interaction got sexual really fast. Basically, we started sending proactive pictures to each other. For once in 10 years (the first year with my ex was great, he was so passionate and sexual with me, then it died soon after), I felt desired and wanted again.

    We eventually ended the texting since we each had plans that night.
    After I got home close to 1am, I texted him. We started flirting and yes, it got real sexual. He wanted me to go over to his place. I was so tempted to do it because I was turned on and again it was nice to be desired like that. We planned to meet the next day, Saturday at 5pm. On Saturday, he said he couldn't make our meet up because of a prior engagement that was going to take longer than expected. He told me this at 3pm. Hella last minute. We rescheduled to meet the next day at 1pm.

    On Sunday, I greeted him with a "morning." He responded immediately with a "good morning."
    Then he told me he had to be somewhere at 1pm and that he asked if I come over now.




    I was little appalled by this because he switched plans on me again last minute. I was beginning to not like this guy, but I wanted to hook up with him. I called him to see what's going on. He apologized again and said his friends had to remind him about today. I agreed to see him.




    By this time, it is clear that when we see each other we're sleeping together. The build up has happened. So there is no doubt in either of our minds that we're going to do it.




    We had a brunch and a had pleasant conversation. We're from the same home town. Even learned that we went to the same junior high school. He's a year older than me.




    We went to his place right after. He showed me around his place. He introduced me to his dogs. Then he grabbed me and kissed me. I was so thrilled and it felt so good that someone was so passionate. Then we did it. Reminder, I haven't had sex since I 19 years.




    Afterwards, I hung out around his house. We had small talk about random things He was on his smart phone. We played with his pet dogs. I was nervous because I didn't what to say. I was still processing this whole thing with him. This was my first time meeting someone online and at the same time sleeping with someone new and having my first date after my ex.




    Eventually, our hang out ended. As he was walking me out to my car, I asked, "So what now?" He said, "We'll just call each other."




    At least that's what I thought he said. I don't think he said he'll call me.




    Throughout the rest of Sunday, I didn't call or text him. He didn't either. On Monday, he did text, "Good morning."

    I responded, "Good morning. How are you?"

    Him: "Doing great."




    That was it. I thought, "That was lame. He didn't ask how I'm doing, but whatever, maybe he's not good texter."




    I text him at 3pm that day, "Hey, you wanna hang out this week?"

    No response.




    I call him at 7:30pm. He picks up, but he's driving so our conversation is cut short.




    Me: "Did you get my text?"

    Him: "Probably. Which one?"

    Me: About hanging out this week?"

    Him: "Oh when?"

    Me: I'm off Thursday."

    Him: I can't. I have a board meeting."

    Me: Wednesday.

    Him: I'm going to a comedy show.

    Me: When are you available?

    Him: How about Sunday?"

    Me: Hmmm...I don't know. Let's just talk later and talk about it.

    Him: How was your day?

    Me: It went well for the most part.

    Him: How about you?

    Me: I've been busy.

    Him: I'm driving.

    Me: Okay. We'll talk later.




    That was the last time I talked to him. That was Monday, June 5th. I haven't contacted him and he hasn't either.




    One of my friends told me to call him on Thursday, which is today. I thought about contacting him on Friday instead. I don't know what to say. I do know that I'm not trying to get into anything serious. I just want to date and possibly have one sex partner. Women have needs too.




    My questions to all of you are:




    1) Should I call or text him?

    2) What do I say?

    3) Do you think he's interested in me?

    4) If you other insights, please share.






  • #2
    I must be truthful to you here; this guy manipulated you into sleeping with him and you feel for it.

    This is something he does to most women he chats with online, so you aren't the first.

    Don't feel bad, but don't expect to have a relationship with him. Simply take your mind off him. If he decides to come for you, then you might want to give him a chance.

    However, don't be the one chasing him, if you do this you will get more hurt.

    Best.

    Comment


    • MaverickR
      MaverickR commented
      Editing a comment
      I wanted it as much as he did. I want to establish an NSA relationship.

    • MaverickR
      MaverickR commented
      Editing a comment
      I don't think I fell for anything. I knew before we met that we were going to have sex on our first meet up. It was quite clear. The thing is I want to establish a physical relationship with him without a serious relationship. We just have to establish those grounds.

  • #3
    Understanding how to deal with a man after you've slept with him too soon begins with recognizing why he's pulling away. There are actually several reasons for this but they all come down to what he's feeling. Some men make strong assumptions about women based on how quickly sex occurs. He may believe that if you slept with him on the first date, that's something you generally do with all the men you date. He may also just not feel as connected to you after sex as you do to him. Physical intimacy isn't as tied to emotions for men as it is for women. So while you may believe that you two have a deep bond now, he may just see you as someone he slept with.

    If you do indeed believe that he's pulled back because you two slept together on your first date, you need to work to reestablish a new dynamic with him. It's up to you to take the initiative and ask him out. Don't invite him out for dinner, instead keep it casual. Ask if he'd be willing to meet you for a coffee or for lunch. When you do see him, keep the conversation light and fun. Don't delve into why you were intimate so quickly. He doesn't want to have that talk with you. Not only will it make him uncomfortable but he'll likely feel that you're trying so hard to explain your behavior because you're embarrassed by it. Even though you are, you don't need to demonstrate that to him. Keep your relationship on a much lighter note for the foreseeable future. Don't find yourself in bed with him at the end of every date. Just ensure that you don't let yourself get into situations where you're left having to make a decision about having sex with him. Having dates earlier in the day or meeting him at a restaurant or theatre can help you with this.

    Comment


    • MaverickR
      MaverickR commented
      Editing a comment
      I wanted it as much as he did. I want to establish an NSA relationship.

  • #4
    So you've made one of the biggest blunders - and that is having sex with the guy way, way before you were supposed to! Does that mean the end of the line for both of you? Or is it the beginning of something beautiful?

    Hey, guess what, he's already attracted to you!

    Instead of looking at it negatively, why don't you try to look at the positive aspect of the incident? You got him to have sex with you because he's, primarily, already physically attracted to you. Tick that off your to-do list! It's time to work on other matters.

    Make it impossible for him to not look at you.

    Alright, so he's smitten by your looks, it's time to capitalize on that and make him feel what a lucky guy he is. Let him look at the most angelic face once he gets up the following morning! He's sure to want more in the days to come.

    Let him feel that you have a great amount of interest in him.

    Let him feel that you're not just in for the physical satiation. Let him know also that you didn't go out on a date looking for a one night stand. Tell him that you do like him and that you're interested in getting to know him better. Just prepare yourself for whatever answer he has. Let him know that you'd take his answer in the best attitude no matter what that would be.

    Prove that you are still your own person.

    Most guys fear that a woman would start clinging once something sexual happened between them. Prove that you're not imposing anything on him that you are, in fact, still living your own life and he's free to live his.

    Make it seem casual.

    The last thing that this guy would need to see the day after, is you asking him what would happen next. This is like screaming - you already touched me so you've got to become my boyfriend! Act like no big deal happened and you'll get the respect that you wanted to have.

    Don't offer to give your number.

    Let this offer come from him! You've already given too much at once so this is giving him another morsel even before he worked hard for it. Let him ask this time. Just believe that you're a woman that's sought after and he's not gonna be able to resist your charm!

    Connect with him on another level.

    If things went well the previous night, then you already know that you're sexually compatible. There are other things to prove - would you also jive intellectually? Would you be able to sustain a conversation? Is he going to be interested in the things that you do? These are the new things that you could still discover about each other!

    Comment

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