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He Did Everything Wrong...But She's Still Around. What?

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MillionaireMatch

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  • He Did Everything Wrong...But She's Still Around. What?

    Hello everyone,

    I thought I'd share this message from one of the ladies in an online dating group I belong to.

    It shows precisely what a man shouldn't do on a second date! This email from the dating trenches, as it were.

    It's hard for women to deal with men like this, because although this man is a "nice guy" he doesn't seem to know anything about generating attraction!


    "Pete arrived at my house and brought me Hershey kisses and some nice desserts he bought at the food store.

    A big turn-off--he smelled very strongly of moth balls--yuck!


    We drove down to the river and walked along the bank for about an hour and then wandered into the downtown.

    Then we had a nice dinner.

    He took half a vacation day to come see me today. He was as polite and chivalrous as he was on our first meeting.

    He is way head over heels and I heard too many details about his personal life.

    Heard about every operation he's had. I saw all the pictures on his smartphone--including one of him with his ex-wife.

    He was married for 27 years and I am only the 5th woman he has dated. I am the only woman he has dated a second time.

    He told me how much alimony he is paying--a lot--he must be making good money, LOL!

    He talked about his divorce a lot. I kept changing the subject and he kept saying "I know. I know. I shouldn't be talking about this."

    He even told me about the excel spreadsheet he put together to rank all of his POF matches. Points for tennis, points for hiking, etc. Even though I lost a point for being over 50 miles... blah... blah... blah.

    He asked me where in the US I would live and then told me he is concerned because he might interview for a job in the United States, but he won't if I wouldn't want to live there... I told him we just met and I shouldn't even be a consideration.

    He told me I seemed very guarded and he wishes I could open up my heart the way he has.

    He asked what I am feeling. I told him he is moving too fast and he needs to slow down.

    No chemistry.

    He asked to see me again but didn't offer a specific time and date, so I don't need to make a decision yet.

    Think I should give him one more shot to see if chemistry develops? Or would that be leading him on?"

  • #2
    Hello Gray:

    Wow. Believe it or not, this is pretty much a textbook rendition of how recently divorced guys often act on dates.

    Please tell your friend she most certainly doesn't have to go on another date with him. She's only settling if she ends up with this guy.

    Comment


    • #3
      If you blow a date this fully and the woman is even considering going out with you again, you can safely conclude that she's flat-out desperate.

      That's right. When you know you blew it sky high and she keeps coming back, you can know with 100% certainty that you're dealing with a woman who isn't getting a whole lot of male attention.

      You can tell from the texture of the message above that the woman writing it feels like she's "settling".

      And believe you me--you'll feel the same way if you talk yourself into liking a woman who is generally ignored by most other men.

      This is especially true if y'all live in a decent sized metro-area.

      And guess what? I already know that the guy in the sad story above indeed realizes that he wrecked the date.

      How? Easy. He was saying things like, "I know I shouldn't be talking like this."

      And just to reinforce his impression of how poorly things were going, she helped him realize how badly he was screwing things up.

      She had to remind HIM that "she shouldn't even be a consideration", after his own mega-desperation sprang forth.

      That, of course, coming in the form of his announcement that he'd gladly rest the entire weight of relocating to a completely different continent on whether she was interested in being with him permanently or not.

      Dude...back off. It's your second date. And more importantly, you haven't even managed to create attraction yet, let alone devotion.

      It's not like Hershey kisses and dessert are going to stand in for you, either.

      But just for good measure, when he committed the Cardinal Sin of asking her what she was feeling (can you say, "needy"?), she put him in his place in no uncertain terms.

      Well hey...that's the expected by-product of relinquishing all personal control over the conversation (and by proxy, the entire date), isn't it?

      And all of the above was simply the culmination of him basically hitting every single bullet point on the "Don't Discuss List" in order...all the way to the bottom floor:


      1) All the mountains you moved just to be in her presence that day, including taking vacation time.

      2) Lurid details of your medical history

      3) Pictures of your ex-wife whom you're still mourning the loss of

      4) Your paltry level of dating experience since the divorce

      5) How much alimony you're paying (and that you're paying it AT ALL)

      6) The divorce in general

      7) That you may be relocating 10,000 nautical miles away, when you haven't even done the interview yet.

      8) How she feels about you

      9) And for the love of all that is good in the universe, if you DO have anything even remotely resembling what I call "The Depth Chart", keep it a secret. That goes double for any reference to where she ranks on the list.


      All things considered, you can pretty much apply the first rule of Fight Club to that entire list.

      The man would have been better off chit-chatting about politics, religion, family planning and his porn collection than ANY of those things (or at least no worse off).

      And the icing on the cake (which may as well be a urinal cake at this point...it would leave a better taste in your mouth than hearing about this date experience) was when he was completely vague about planning the next date.

      It's as if he instinctively already knew he was cooked. In fact, my guess is that he did indeed sense that.

      Except, of course, she's actually considering giving him a second date.

      In the land of FUBARs, this situation reigns supreme.

      Gentlemen. Listen and learn from this unfortunate story.

      If you're newly divorced, you've GOT to make sure you check your anger, bitterness and insecurities at the door when you start dating again.

      If you're having trouble getting to that point, I have all the experience and resources in the world to help you get there. But you can't expect to succeed with ANY high quality woman until you get that accomplished.

      And if you're meeting women online (which you should be), you've absolutely, positively got to know how to represent yourself as effectively as humanly possible.

      Comment


      • #4
        Gentlemen, let's face it. The clothes you wear when you meet a woman must not only be clean they can't have been stored for a decade waiting for the "big chance".

        Rule: If you even feel like you have to give it a sniff test, the answer is DON'T WEAR IT.]

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