How Long Should I Wait To Text Him Again?

[Victoria]

I blew it again. I met a guy on plenty of fish. We had started talking on the phone and exchanged pics. I send nude pics and he sent some clothed pics. I am a teacher.

He lost his phone one day and I texted him and he never responded so I freaked out and sent many many texts. He freaked out and got scared.

I apologized and he accepted my apology. I over texted again and he told me to move on. I over-texted a few times and he accepted my apology but the last time was the last straw. He said he met someone. So, I wanted to be friends and he said text me in two weeks because he needed a break from me. I blew it! I texted him within two days and he said he is done!

He said "If I text him again, he will send the nude photos to my school district. "I really like him! What do I do? How long should I wait to text him again?

I am nervous about the threat he made. This guy does not need a dating website. He is hot. I did say somethings that may have also been mean. He told me he did not have 6 pack abs and when he dumped me, per se, I told him I was screwing a football coach with six pack abs. I wanted to hurt his feelings.... He said "If I text him again, he will send the nude photos to my school district." I really like him!

What do I do? How long should I wait to text him again? Please help.

[Bradwin]

Hi ......

Whew!!

OK, there's a lot to cover in this one, so let us dive in chunk by chunk, issue by issue.

I am going to have to be pretty blunt here so forgive me if anything I say sounds mean... as this is a serious situation and it needs a sober response.

1. About the Naked Pictures

Mistake number one you made was sending a man you were flirting with online (and never even met in person) naked pictures of yourself.

This was a BAD move for a couple reasons...

A. What can happen is such stuff ends Up On Facebook and the Internet.

If you take naked pictures of yourself or make a "sex" tape or anything like that you have to assume it is going to find it's way out into the world.

At the very least, the man you send a picture like that to is going to show it to his friends and brag about how this girl he does not even know was sending him these photos.

It is a doubly BAD move if you have a job working for the government or a big corporation where this kind of thing can get you fired.

B. If you are looking for a man to actually date and have a relationship with you have immediately cut your legs out from under you as far as him taking you seriously as "girlfriend material."

Will a man you send a pic like that to keep talking to you?

Sure.

Will he want to meet you?

DEFINITELY.

Will he think of you as somebody he wants to have a real relationship with?

NO WAY!

Sending naughty pics to a man you are already courting can be fine if it is done right, and it is an awful thing to do with a man you have never even met.

And even if it is with somebody you love if you are in a position where you can get fired from your job for this sort of thing you should NEVER have your face in a naked picture you send.

NEVER.

2. The FREAK OUT.

OK, so you meet a man online... you start talking... you text... you send him naked pictures... you probably have some dirty conversations with him... he gets all hot and bothered about this woman he met online... and then he does not get back to you for a day and you EXPLODE.

I have not seen any of the texts you sent him the day he left his phone at home but from the other stuff you said in your message I bet they were not to smart.

I talk about this a lot in the articles I write.

That 99% of the time when a man (or a woman) does something it has NOTHING to do with you, and If you "go nuclear" like that every time a man does not respond to you within 5 minutes you are going to continue to only attract "dramatic" types.

If I was in this man's shoes, by the way I would have walked away very, very quickly, would probably take down my profile and would be having scary "Single White Female" themed dreams.

3. The THREAT.

He is threatening to send your naked pictures to your school district.

This could be an empty threat.

It could be a serious threat.

And either way I promise you right now that it is NOT a game he is playing to keep you interested.

He sincerely does not want to talk to you and is probably a little bit scared of you... and he is totally justified in feeling that way.

4. You "Really Like Him"

You do?

Why?

Do you even know him?

You have never met him before... you have never spent any time with him and you sent him a message saying you were screwing a football coach with six pack abs.

Personally, that is not the kind of thing I say to people I really like.

You may be infatuated with him.

You may have built up some fantasies around him that have nothing to do with who the man actually is (we all do that during those first moments.)

Yet, I do not think you actually like him.

And finally, your real question...

5. How long should you wait to text him again and what should you say.

Let me say this really plainly...

You must never text him again.

Never.

And by never... I mean never.

You must lose his phone number, lick your wounds, take stock of what you did wrong in this situation and do your best to move on and not overreact in such a dramatic way with the next man you talk to.

Any man who actually comes back to a woman he has never even met in this kind of situation has "Emotional Masochist" written all over him (or he is just coming around to use you for sex.)

Disagree with me if you want, and I get the feeling this is a pattern you have fallen into with man and it is one you DEFINITELY need to break as soon as possible.

If you want "help" with how to really "attract" men and know "how" to relate to men than please do contact me.

And I will work with you.

[Brett]

Communication in relationships, especially at the beginning, has never been very cut and dry. There are all kinds of rules about when it's okay to call him and what you should say to him. Always let him call first. Wait 24 hours before you call him after a date. Don't answer the phone on the first ring. These are all things we've heard over and over again for years... But now, everything has changed! Now we have text messaging -- a brief, casual form of communication that makes reaching out to the guy you're dating even more confusing! So how do you handle the world of SMS when you're dating a guy?

Similar to the phone rule, you should probably wait for him to text you first. Don't start sending him random messages or date requests the second you get his phone number -- that can be really overwhelming right off the bat. Let him make the effort to text you, and then you can respond to him. Again, as with the "don't answer on the first ring" rule, you will want to wait a little while before you text him back when he does finally text you. After all, you don't want him to think that you were just sitting by the phone waiting for him to contact you, do you?

When you are responding, you need to be careful about what you say. Don't just type out anything that comes to mind right off the bat! Consider any possible ways he can misinterpret what you might say. It's difficult to convey emotion or intent through text, so keep that in mind. Also, you don't want to type out this whole long-winded paragraph when he just asked how you're doing! Text messages are intended to be brief and to the point, not an excuse to write a novel.

You must also be careful to avoid the dreaded "drunk text." Drunk texting can virtually destroy any chance you had with a guy in the first place, and they never end up the way you hope! It may be tempting to invite him over for a little hanky-panky at two in the morning, but even if he does come over, he's just going to think of you as an easy drunk. If he doesn't come over, he's going to think of you as an easy drunk and you're not even going to get laid!

[Victoria]

Thank you all for the advice.

[rosahorton]

I agree with you brett.