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His Fiancee Was In Bed With His Best Friend

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MillionaireMatch

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  • His Fiancee Was In Bed With His Best Friend

    I have one problem, the thing is I am stuck. I have known this one guy in my area for about six months or so, he is a good guy and once in a while we chat but that's just it.

    I know he likes me because he really pays attention to me and calls me at least twice a week. The problem is that last year a week before his wedding he found his fiancee to be in bed with his best friend.

    That really upset him and their wedding was called off. Sometimes he can be so aloof but how do I get really close to him because he seems very cautious at times?

  • #2
    Hello Gloria:

    Ah yes... another example of the type of emails that have been showing up in our inbox more often than ever lately.

    I call them the "How We'd Love To Have A Word With The One You're Complaining About" type of emails.

    Clearly your friend has had a traumatic experience. It continues to torture him to the core, as evidenced by how he appears to be projecting a deep level of inherent mistrust upon the women he meets nowadays (e.g. you).

    That, of course, is unfair. After all, his (former) best friend (who is male, I assume?) was involved in the infraction also. Yet I'm sure he still trusts himself, a fellow male.

    So how come, then, that certain men (e.g. him) can be considered trustworthy despite his "best friend's" actions, even as his ex-fiancee's actions are believed to somehow reflect on all women?

    Yes. I'd love to have a word with your friend. Maybe share some life experiences. Explain that there are some amazing and perfectly trustworthy women out there (of which you may very well be one).

    Perhaps I'd tell him that he'll continue to attract and settle for untrustworthy women in his world as long as that is who he expects to show up.

    Then I'd likely exhort him that life is way too short to let this former fiancee control him to the degree she still is.

    That last one would be a wake-up call, wouldn't it? Boy howdy.

    Or, on the other hand, maybe I'd just slap his wrist and get him to stop leading on a nice woman like you with a bunch of contrived lines designed to hold you at bay until he finds someone he likes more.

    I guess I'd have to make the judgment call on which direction to go sometime into our little talk.

    But the truth is I didn't get the email from him. I got it from you.

    So my answer for you is much less complicated and even more pragmatic: You aren't going to change him.

    You deserve a man who is--let's see...what's the term women typically use? Ah yes..."emotionally available"--which this one isn't.

    Now go deserve what you want. And remember, part of deserving is recognizing who you deserve.

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    • #3

      Thanks for your wonderful advice.

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