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Should i try to get my ex back?



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  • Should i try to get my ex back?

    Me and my ex had a lot of fights and then she asked for a 3 weeks break so told her we might as well just go our separate ways, i said that because i couldn't wait for 3 weeks and i thought that was selfish of her not to consider my feelings. Also she said she wanted to date other guys a and try out what sex was like with them because we didn't have a good sex life at all i admit to that. She contacted me for 4 months by just calling to find out how i was doing at least once a week, the last time she called me she cried on the phone and said she made a mistake ,then i told her to come to my house so we could talk, she asked me if i was dating other girls, i refused to give her that answer, i really wanted to know if she had learnt from her mistakes instead of talking about who i was dating. she said couldn't move forward without knowing that and this was in 2 months ago, We broke up 6 months ago. Since then she just blanked out completely. I called her a month after and told her to "Come and seduce me" at my place, she said she would let me know. She never got back to me or called to even update me that she wasn't coming. Her older sisters boyfriend who is my friend told me 2 days ago that he saw a guy walk out of her room at night that she's in a new relationship or so, he wasn't sure but he said they are in the same law school and he seemed to be a decent guy. A lot of times she asked for us to be friends but i refused.

    Called her to meet up recently but she said she doesn't want to meet up that she's over me and not interested in moving forward. Should i try to steal her from he other guy? or its over and done deal?

  • #2
    First of all your ex girlfriend is only dating someone else to try and get over you. She may only be doing it to make you jealous. Don't fall for this. People fall into rebound relationships in order to avoid dealing with their emotions about their recent break up. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you - she is just using this relationship to help her through this difficult period.

    So keep this in mind to comfort you at this time - your ex girlfriend is only in this relationship to help her get over you. She doesn't want to get over you - she's just confused right now, very emotional and hurting.

    It makes no difference if you broke the relationship off or she did. The important thing to remember, if you want to get your ex back, is that this rebound relationship is just a tool and a tool that is showing you that she actually really loves you. Sounds crazy - but it's true.

    So, if you are sure your relationship has a strong foundation of real love you can save it and get your ex back no matter who she is dating.

    Right now your girlfriend is in a rebound relationship that is causing her to focus on what went wrong with your relationship. This is not a bad thing. She will pick someone who is the opposite of you. This is good because she is focusing on the "differences" between the two of you which means that she is still focused on you even while she is with the new guy.

    You need to take note of the differences too because it probably means she is seeking in this new guy something that she feels was missing in your relationship with her. You can use this time to make some changes in yourself that she will notice and appreciate in you.

    Don't interfere with this rebound relationship. After a month or so (and it may not even take that long) she will begin to see what she misses in you, because the new guy is not you and can't begin to replace you.

    [B]Here are a few simple things to keep in mind:[/B]

    - Give her some space and time with this rebound relationship and let her see all the good things she is missing without you in her life.

    - When she's ready to come back to you be gracious to her.

    - Be a "new you" but be slightly aloof - let her chase you

    - Don't try to convince her that you are the best thing to ever happen to her. She is going to discover this on her own.

    - If you think you've done something wrong to create the split do not apologize profusely. Just say you are sorry and leave it at that.

    - The rebound relationship will show her the real reason she loves you.

    - Don't make promises to change. You are who you are and that's who she fell in love with.

    - Don't try to make her see that it wasn't your fault. She will come to appreciate that over time - but only if you haven't made her invest energy in defending her position that it was your fault.


    • kblue
      kblue commented
      Editing a comment
      Do you think it is ok to check up on her once in a while to try and re attract her back and establish the connection? not by BEGGING, but by re attracting, slowly over time.

  • #3
    Before we go any further, let's get straight on to the important subject of mistakes. If you're trying to get your girlfriend back then it's actually better to do nothing than to make a mistake. Doing the wrong thing can drive your girlfriend even further away and if she's seeing someone else then this will give her even less reason to give your relationship another chance.

    So what are these mistakes? If you've been looking around for information then you've probably seen things about not calling your ex, not begging or pleading and so on. Unlike some of the things you will read, this particular advice is very good. Persistent phone calls or texts will not only be annoying but will show your girlfriend that you are available - giving her space to explore other things without fear of losing you. Begging her to come back has a similar effect and it also doesn't show you in a very good light. People are generally not attracted to negative, unhappy people. What sort of person was your ex girlfriend first attracted to when you got together? Probably someone who exuded happiness and positivity. However hard it way seem, it's vitally important that you project the very best image of yourself that you can. Don't forget, if your ex is seeing someone else then you are now competing with this other person. You don't want to give him any advantage.

    These are the mistakes to avoid. But what action can you take to win back your girlfriend? Well, there's actually another mistake to avoid. Be wary of help which trys to tell you how to get your ex back but which is aimed at both men and women - as so much 'help' is. Why should this be avoided? Quite simply, men and women are different. Their minds work in completely different ways - so good advice for women will not be the right advice for you, a man, to follow. In fact, this difference between men and women is the key to getting your girlfriend back. You need to understand female psychology and harness this knowledge for your advantage. Think about it. If you could understand the mind of your ex, understand what she is thinking, why she is thinking it and what she really wants for the future, then you would be in an excellent position. You could modify your behaviour patterns to fit in with her needs and desires. You would be able to avoid anything which was going to push her turn-off buttons. Instead of you chasing her, you would be able to make her come running back to you.

    Now you may be thinking that this is all very well, but your own situation is so different from everyone else's that these psychological techniques might not work or you might not be able to apply them. You're quite correct that your relationship is different from everyone else's. Everyone's situation is unique, just as you and your girlfriend are unique. Even so, your relationship breakup will fit into one of 5 categories. You need to work out which category you fit into and then follow a strategy designed specifically for your own situation. Most help and most books don't get into this sort of detail but this is the level you need to get down to to give you the very best chance of getting your girlfriend back.

    It's also important that you understand the strategy you are following so that you can fine-tune it to the specifics of your own breakup. If you are blindly following a blue-print then you won't be able to make good decisions as your situation develops. If you understand the strategy then you will be able to think on your feet and adapt. A good get your girlfriend back strategy will give you all these things. Follow it, and you give yourself the best chance of success.


    • kblue
      kblue commented
      Editing a comment
      Do you think it is ok to check up on her once in a while to try and re attract her back and establish the connection? not by BEGGING, but by re attracting, slowly over time. Since you are woman how would this come off to you? Thanks

  • #4
    Denis and Sofa, i really appreciate your advice and it has helped me a great deal. I consulted with two relationship experts and they said the same thing. Thank you so much. I'll be sure to keep y'all posted.