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I Am Lonely and Single: Why Lonely People Stay Lonely

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  • I Am Lonely and Single: Why Lonely People Stay Lonely

    It pretty much goes without saying, doesn't it? If you're feeling the pangs of hunger and you've got access to food, you're going to eat.

    Similarly, if you walked outside and realized a cold front had blown through, you'd go inside and grab a jacket. You wouldn't freeze to death.

    That's pretty much a no-brainer too, right?

    In fact, for just about any biological or even emotional need in life, we don't think twice about doing what it takes to address it and meet it.

    If someone throws you in a swimming pool, you'll come up for air.

    If you have a bad day, you'll come home and pop a cold one and watch some goofball movie on Netflix.

    But there's ONE bizarre exception to the general rule at play here, and it's a decidedly wicked one.

    I've noticed that some people who find themselves extremely lonely tend to remain that way, doing NOTHING to satisfy their need for human interaction.

    The weirdest part is that this tends to be especially true when one is lacking someone of the opposite gender in his or her life.

    Seriously...some people will go weeks, months, years or even DECADES being alone, even if they say they really, really want someone in their life.

    Even though it HURTS. And yes, loneliness HURTS every bit as bad as going hungry or being left out in the cold.

    So what in the world keeps so many of us from dealing with what really is a legitimate need and satisfying it?

    Click image for larger version  Name:	dialies.jpeg Views:	1 Size:	26.8 KB ID:	6535
    Well, here's what I think. See if you agree.

    When you're hungry, there's no real barrier between you and the fridge.

    If you live somewhere that gets a cold snap here and there, you've probably got a jacket hanging in the closet already.

    But satisfying loneliness is different. There's got to be another human being in on the solution.

    And for many, many guys the FEAR of breaking the ice with people in a potential new social circle flat-out paralyzes them, let alone the idea of approaching and meeting a real, live woman who they feel sexual attraction for.

    That fear keeps them from acting on any potential solution to solving their loneliness.

    You see, we as humans are wired to AVOID pain ahead of seeking pleasure. Isn't that interesting?

    So even though the PLEASURE of defeating loneliness sounds wonderful, it tends to be trumped by the FEAR that "rejection" by another person would be even MORE painful than the status quo.

    It's either that or fear that finding a solution is simply "too good to be true".

    Having put this whole idea into plain English for you, you may now think it's preposterous or even straight-up ridiculous for anyone to operate that way.

    But they do...in droves.

    The tragedy of it all is that the fear of "rejection" that tends to sequester people in a state of loneliness is purely imagined.

    Often times it's based on pure conjecture. People SUPPOSE that they'll face "rejection", even when they may not...at all.

    And hey...even if a guy like you or me has experienced "rejection" in the past that has inhibited him from ever even trying to meet another woman, you'd be shocked at how many times it's the opinion of ONE or TWO women that convinced him that remaining lonely is a "safer" option than ever reaching out again.

    What's more, any fear that finding someone sounds "too good to be true" is even more of a fantasy (and that's the right word for it) in and of itself.

    Meeting someone and building a relationship may turn out to be fall-out-of-bed simple for them, were they only to give it a shot rather than fearing the worst.

    So at best, the fear of pain can only be substantiated to a certain degree.

    And YES, you can be that guy if you so choose.

    Any excuses to the contrary would simply be in support of avoiding that imagined pain in favor of soldiering on with the pain you've become accustomed to. It's time to face up to that.

    Meanwhile, however, the pleasure of finding a great woman who adores you is VERY, VERY REAL. There's no imagination necessary. It is what it is, invariably...and it rocks.

    The big question, then, if you find yourself relating to this article in any way, shape or form becomes this: Can you finally put aside your fear of potentially deeper pain, knowing that it's based more on pointless worry than objective reality?

    Can you instead handle loneliness the same way you'd handle hunger or cold weather? Can you step up and reach for the real, tangible solution without ever giving it a second thought anymore?

    I encourage you to think deliberately about how amazing it would be to finally solve your desire for a woman in your life--or even find more friends, if that's where your need is.

    Wouldn't that be better than continuing to manage loneliness indefinitely?

    You don't have to HURT. But you do have to face the fear you're feeling in order to get rid of the pain.

    My solemn promise to you is that if and when you do that, you'll be glad you did. The reality of the solution is far more likely to come to fruition than your worst fears.


    What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
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