Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

How to Make Winking At Women Work

Collapse
X
Collapse

  • How to Make Winking At Women Work

    The topic of "winking" hasn't been written about a whole lot, at least as far as I've seen.

    Nevertheless, it's a fascinating subject indeed. Winking is one of those stereotypical--if not downright archetypal--flirting behaviors.

    Yet, it's also the one that almost instantaneously causes us to roll our eyes when we think about actually DOING it, right?

    After all, for most of us our immediate reaction is that going around winking at women is pretty lame.

    Well, having thought about this, I'm convinced that's because we've been jaded by show business, where the only winks we seem to remember--at least in a mixed gender context--are the lame ones.

    Chevy Chase's awkward chance meeting with Christie Brinkley in Vacation comes to mind, as do old reruns of the Benny Hill Show.

    Hilarious...but not in a flattering way.

    So what's up with that? If winking at women is so friggin' silly, how can it remain such an enduring symbol of male/female flirtation?

    Here's what I think. I think most of us completely miss the subtlety of what winking REALLY conveys.

    Here's a hint. It's not (or at least shouldn't be) about, "I'm attracted to you...let's get down and boogie."

    In reality, it's more accurate to say that a wink is the international symbol for "I have a secret...and it involves YOU".

    Put that one to the test any time you see someone wink at someone else from now on. When you note a well-placed wink, that's almost always what it's subcommunicating.

    But here's the thing.

    When it comes to flirting in particular, when you haven't earned attraction yet it's indeed lame to wink at a woman under the presumption that she would care what your "secret" is.

    But when you have the confidence to know you are desirable, it can work. The key is to remember that the wink is meant to create INTRIGUE, not attraction.

    The wink has to be in the presence of attraction in order to be meaningful, sort of like photosynthesis in the plant world can only happen in the presence of sunlight.

    This is a crucial distinction that absolutely MUST be understood. But when you DO understand it, all the doors to highly effective winking flirtation are suddenly flung open for you.

    I have examples for you forthcoming, but first I have a confession to make.

    I didn't simply dream up the idea of writing about winking today on my own.

    As is often the case, the topic was inspired by talking to one of YOU during a coaching call.

    Specifically, the discussion was about "winking" in the context of online dating.

    I now find it more interesting than ever that Match.com adopted the term "winking" to refer to that quick-hit attention giving mechanism of theirs that allows you to forego the effort of writing a full-on e-mail to someone.

    "Winking" is the quintessentially perfect paradigm for that.

    If someone's profile is inherently attractive, the wink intrigues you. And sure enough, plenty of us get all hot and bothered when an attractive woman "winks" at us online.

    Her "secret" is that she has noticed you, and you should write her to see what happens.

    And see? If SHE has the confidence ahead of time to believe you'll find her profile attractive--and sure enough you do--then the wink WORKS. You'll waste no time in writing her back.

    But on the other hand, if you're someone who's expected to demonstrate some "Big Four" traits, like making a woman feel safe in your presence and showing that you know how to take initiative, the online dating wink is a deal breaker.

    Therefore, in case it's not already abundantly clear, almost all winks by men to women online are deal breaker in the eyes of women. They really wish you'd have the stones to write a real e-mail.

    In the real world, though? Rest assured, not all of us have to come off like Clark Griswold. At least not necessarily.

    Think about it. All of those dorky, awkward Hollywood winks usually are from guys who haven't actually met the woman they're winking at yet.

    All you really need is to know the right context for when winking can hold some very real power.

    And no, that's NOT going to be when you first notice a woman from across the room.

    But once you've begun to interact with a woman and the attraction is created, THEN there are some golden winks that can really convey the right message...at precisely the right time.

    Here are five examples off the top of my head:



    1) The "I've Got It Under Control" Wink

    Click image for larger version

Name:	wink 1.jpg
Views:	1
Size:	46.5 KB
ID:	2987
    Let's say you're talking to a woman, and perhaps there are other people around also.

    Suddenly, something minor comes up that requires immediate attention. It could be anything, really. Use your imagination.

    You turn to the woman and flash her a quick wink, accompanied by the kind of facial expression you'd give someone as if to say, "Yeah, that's reasonable enough."

    She'll instinctively sense that you're about to take care of what needs to be dealt with, and that you're going to do it effectively.

    The "secret" between you and her in this context is that you're going to handle this right now without the matter being up for discussion between you and perhaps some other dude who might step in.

    This gives women butterflies.



    2) The "I've Just Got Someone's Back And I'm Going To Keep Suave About It" Wink

    You can think of this particular wink as the "post-event" version of the one I described above.

    When you've just taken care of matters--especially as a direct favor to someone else on the spot--and the world is back to normal thanks to your deft response, it's obviously NOT a good idea to crow loudly about how great you are for being such a hero.

    Click image for larger version

Name:	wink 2.jpg
Views:	1
Size:	25.5 KB
ID:	2988

    Everyone will already have that figured out, and you should be wise enough to recognize it.

    So at that point you subtly gaze over at the hottest woman in the room (preferably the one you arrived with or plan to leave with, if applicable) and wink at her. The look on your face should say, "Yeah, that's right...no big deal".

    The subtle conveyance here is that everything is expected to return to normal now.

    But the "secret" you've just conveyed to the woman you winked at is that having gotten the job done is a perfectly normal and expected circumstance, so there's no need to thank you.

    But she's going to think you're amazing. Nice.



    3) The "We're The Only Two People Who Get It" Wink

    Click image for larger version

Name:	wink 3.jpg
Views:	1
Size:	39.3 KB
ID:	2989
    Let's say you're in a business meeting with a woman whom you're particularly attracted to.

    One of the reasons you're attracted to her (and probably her to you as well) is because you naturally "get" each other. There's a very real chemistry between the two of you.

    Now, let's say someone comes up with an idea or an issue that either you or her has some particular input on.

    And let's say that everyone in the room thinks your input is fantastic, but you and she both know that your lives are about to get a little bit easier because the group agreed with what you said....but they don't exactly need to know that.

    You casually glance over to your female friend and wink...with a look that ever so slightly conveys "Yep...bingo. It's in the bag."

    It can be flat-out powerful to wink in this way any time either you OR she says something that has hidden depth that only she could understand, be it in the form of a potential benefit, consequence, etc.

    Sometimes, if you believe it's especially important that someone else in the room gets the subtle undercurrent of what you're saying, you may even wish to acknowledge that person and wink WHILE SAYING IT...just to make sure.

    That particular variation on this wink is especially common during meetings that involve negotiation between two sides. But from a male/female perspective here, it's much more fun to flash the wink after the fact.

    Don't be surprised if she giggles under her breath when you do so, although she really should be better at keeping her composure than that.

    But hey, maybe she won't be able to help herself.



    4) The "I Approve" Wink

    A subtle variation of what we're talking about here could be called The "There You Go" Wink.

    Let's say a woman has asked for your help with something, as women often do. You explain it to her, and suddenly the light bulb goes off.

    All you have to do is nod...and wink.

    You haven't made a big deal out of helping her, and you've subtly made it clear that you are proud of her for understanding.

    You've just given approval without gushing approval. How killer is that?



    5) The "Here's Looking At You, Kid" Wink

    Man, you've just got to love Bogey. He wasn't particularly handsome, but he was smooth as silk when necessary.

    Click image for larger version

Name:	wink 5.jpg
Views:	1
Size:	44.2 KB
ID:	2991Leave it to him to be the inspiration for this wink.

    When you say goodnight to a woman (or leave her presence anytime, really), you flash this wink right after saying farewell to her, thereby communicating that you like her, will miss her, and would like to see her again.

    Importantly, you also subcommunicate in a sort of supernatural way that the "secret" is safe with you that she actually likes YOU and can't wait to see YOU again also.

    Compare this non-verbal masterpiece with any and every form of ridiculous utterance of, "Uh...I had a nice time", "Can I see you again?" and/or (God forbid) "So...did you have fun? Do you like me?"

    She knows you'll call her back. And she likes that about you.


    6) The "Wink Of Appreciation"
    Click image for larger version

Name:	wink 4.jpg
Views:	1
Size:	46.8 KB
ID:	2990
    This is a non-verbal way of saying, "Hey, thank you." It's best used in very casual circumstances best served with brevity and/or silence, or when the person you'd like to thank is across the room or otherwise out of earshot.

    This wink might be accompanied by the quick nod and the "sure, thing... sounds good" type of facial expression.




    By now you're smart enough to have figured out that many of the scenarios I've shared can be useful with just about anyone you know and interact with, not only women.

    Winking really is for cool guys, not just dorks.


    What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
      Posting comments is disabled.

    Categories

    Collapse

    Article Tags

    Collapse

    Latest Articles

    Collapse

    • 5 Dangerous People To Get Dating Advice From (Besides Your Mom)
      LoveAdmin
      Yes, I've already warned you before about taking advice from your Mom. That one's already out of the way.

      The more I think about it, however, the more I've realized that there are actually at least five other types of people who might have hidden agendas when doling out pointers on how to "succeed" with women.

      Let's go ahead and call them out, lest you be duped by their dubious intentions:


      1) Women Who Like You

      Sometimes we wonder
      ...
      Yesterday, 12:34 AM
    • 12 Tips For Having Fun On Dates While Staying Safe
      LoveAdmin
      "I'm afraid to meet a stranger online", said my friend Tina.

      Tina is not alone in her concern regarding Internet dating safety. This is one of the most common reasons why women choose not to go online.

      But it isn't only the men behind online dating profiles who are complete strangers at first.

      If you think about it, we're no better acquainted with the men we meet on blind dates our friends set up for us or the men we meet for the first time at the
      ...
      04-21-2017, 01:24 AM
    • 6 Reasons Why Women Freak Out Over Porn
      LoveAdmin
      First of all, let me assure you that you can put your own concerns about this topic to rest for now. Since this is an article about how to relate to women more effectively, you don't have to worry about me pontificating about how you should or shouldn't be indulging in it.

      That said, for what it's worth I've yet to meet any red-blooded guy--regardless of where he stands morally on the issue--who isn't going to look at a naked hottie if confronted (even by surprise) with a picture or
      ...
      04-11-2017, 01:47 PM
    • How To Stop Blaming Yourself - Practical Steps
      LoveAdmin
      You got her number, and being the "big four" man that you are you give her a call as promised.

      She doesn't answer, so you leave a voice mail.

      She doesn't return it.

      You try her number again a couple of days later...fully intending to play it cool when she answers.

      And again...voice mail.

      So being a chooser rather than a chaser, you drop her a text saying it was nice to meet her but find it disappointing that she doesn't
      ...
      04-03-2017, 10:38 PM
    • How To Make Her Think About You All The Time (And Want More)
      LoveAdmin
      I'm sure you've heard time and again about how being "intriguing" is a great way to get women turned on.

      Great. But what exactly are we talking about here?

      And assuming you know what it means to be "intriguing", how in the world do you actually DO that?

      Well, first things first. According to Dictionary.com, the definition of "intrigue" is as follows:


      "To arouse the curiosity or interest by unusual,
      ...
      04-03-2017, 09:43 PM
    • 6 Blunderous First Date Choices That Ruin Your Chances
      LoveAdmin
      As I mentioned above already, I'm going to assume you already know that the typical generic "dinner and a movie" date is a bad idea.

      However, the truth is that even if you DO create that pressure-packed scenario where you're sitting across the table from a woman at dinner trying to figure out how not to overspend and/or wrestle over the bill at the end, things can still turn out okay.

      And yes, if you sit in a dark movie theatre without saying a word to each other
      ...
      04-02-2017, 11:49 PM
    Working...
    X