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  • Pleasure, Pain And Fantasies Of Meeting Women

    Okay, here's a quick exercise for you that should be fun.

    Close your eyes and fantasize about something or someone.

    Got a mental picture rolling? Okay good...

    I have no idea how you're reading this with your eyes closed, but never mind that. By now I've made my point, which is this...

    My bet is that regardless of what you just fantasized about, it distinctly involved something pleasurable.

    In fact, you could probably forget the rest of this article and find hours of enjoyment continuing to fixate on what you were just thinking about instead

    While I wouldn't blame you for that at all, I'm going to urge you to show a modicum of restraint and continue reading anyway.

    Click image for larger version  Name:	ex back x.jpg Views:	1 Size:	36.9 KB ID:	14228After all, there's method to my madness in getting your fantasies rolling.

    Indeed, the work to be done here today is in the area of understanding how our fantasies of pleasure interact with our real-world actions, especially relative to the decisions we make.

    As you likely just experienced, given a typical moment in a typical day any fantasies we have generally point to potential pleasure.

    We really don't fantasize about avoiding pain unless we're actually IN pain at the time.

    Why is that?

    I believe the answer is two-fold.

    First, it's a proven psychological fact that we as humans are unable to actually remember pain. We can't recreate that feeling within us, which is probably a good thing.

    So when pain isn't happening, it's just not on our mind. For example, we don't fantasize about NOT getting sick or NOT going broke.

    But I think the second reason is probably more significant.

    We fantasize about finding pleasure because we can actually, tangibly picture it. In effect, we can see the positive change in our well-being that the pleasure would provide.

    Meanwhile, were we to avoid pain that we're not actually feeling it wouldn't actually change anything. Everything would remain status quo.

    In other words, your financial condition, your health, etc. would still be exactly the same.

    Of course, if you're going through something painful, all bets are off.

    But see, even in that case you're really still fantasizing about finding pleasure, which is the absence of the pain you're feeling.

    That sounded complicated, but it really isn't. The bottom line is that fantasies really do tend to focus on pleasure.

    So with that out of the way, now we get to the part where I throw a wrench in the works.

    Get this...did you know that when it comes to real-world decision making most people will prioritize avoiding pain ahead of finding pleasure?

    In other words, how we process the real world is very different than how we fantasize.

    You could even make the case for it being an almost diametrically opposite pattern.

    It's WEIRD, but it's true.

    The most successful marketing campaigns of all time emphasize how the company's product or service cures your ailments, eliminates humiliation or in some other way helps you out of a jam.

    Even in the B2B sales world, it's become de rigueur to refer to whatever system is being proposed as a "solution".

    "Solution", of course, implies there's a problem by its very definition.

    So basically, saying that a new widget will help the customer avoid, say, being electrocuted during a thunderstorm works better than selling him on the idea of how owning one will make him the envy of his friends.

    Sure, having a clear vision of potential pleasure to be gained helps. But in the end, nothing flat out sells like zeroing in on the pain and offering a certain "solution" to the problem.

    The fascinating twist on all of this, of course, is that nothing drives real-world action quite like pain does, regardless of what potential pleasure out there we've been fantasizing about.

    For most of us, pain has to exist before decisions are made.

    As an example, you may imagine how cool it would be to have a new dishwasher with all the cool new modern features.

    But...you never really get around to buying one until the old one fails spectacularly one day, leaving you in a puddle of suds.

    Sud-denly (if you'll pardon the bad pun), you find it important to buy that new dishwasher.

    For better or worse, this principle holds true even in the world of dating and relationships.

    Have you ever noticed how many books and programs there are on "getting your ex back"? Now you know why.

    The proverbial house is on fire when a chick you adore breaks up with you.

    You can't think about anything else but easing the pain.

    How best to do that? Well, naturally that would be to get her back.

    As such, anyone who is experiencing that particular issue in the moment will be more likely to plunk down the money to solve it than someone who simply wants to get better with women...someday.

    There's something genuinely bizarre about how most of us think, isn't there?

    What good is it doing any of us to direct the vast majority of our energy to either solving imminent problems, only to sit around "resting" afterwards?


    You suspected it was coming, and here it is:

    Most guys who aren't
    meeting enough women and who aren't seeing much success with those they do meet are probably in the position they're in because their PAIN isn't great enough.

    Generally speaking, fantasies aren't enough to get us moving.

    The pain of the present has to hurt more than any discomfort associated with getting up off of our butts and doing something.

    Using my own logic against me, you could make the case that it shouldn't be.

    Perhaps it would be a good idea to change it to something like, "Never again end up with a woman you don't really want."

    After all, that's more in line with the principle of pain avoidance as a bigger motivator than finding pleasure.

    The problem is, however, that if the book was only about that it would fall far short of the mark.

    I mean, think about it. Once you've successfully avoided getting tangled up with women you never really chose, then what?

    You're still left with nobody female to go out with. As I alluded to above, you're still left with nothing tangible.

    Only when you actually have the woman in your life who you've been fantasizing about is the mission fully accomplished.

    When you look at it that way, it makes perfect sense to keep the tagline as-is, even if only truly visionary men need apply.

    Along those lines, I trust that you can see how shortsighted the vast majority of the human population really is.

    If, when push comes to shove, we really only turn our attention to bailing out the lifeboats, when are we ever going to get around to moving full steam ahead toward anything?

    Maybe you felt "rejection" from a girl you really wanted.

    Or maybe you realized it had been six full months (or more) since the last time you kissed a woman.

    Perhaps you got in a rough argument with someone you're seeing, mostly because she's not the right woman to begin with.

    So here's the challenge: Can you find the motivation to make your fantasies come to life? Can you do something about achieving what is pleasurable to you?

    In other words, will it really always require that something painful happen before you'll take the real-world steps necessary to do something?

    I can tell you this much. What I've just suggested is a major differentiator between the movers and go-getters in this life who find success in any area versus those who do not.

    And yes...women love, love, love men who go full steam after what they really want rather than bailing out that lifeboat all the time.


    Use the Comments box below and "Have Your Say" (even if you disagree with me). I really appreciate it when people reply with thoughtful comments. Honestly, it makes my day. Either way I will be glad to hear from you. Also forward this article to a friend. I am sure they will appreciate your consideration of them.
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